The Consequences of a Rebound after a Relationship Breakup

Often, I am asked do rebounds work. Sometimes I believe they can, but I frequently believe rebounds serve a purpose similar to a plaster to a wound.

Once individuals break up from their partner, there is a psychological, emotional, and physical void ..especially if the break up was with a long term partner. The void can be painful; it can lower self-esteem, confidence and even self-value. Such activity triggers the stress response which is profoundly known as the flight or fight response.

Flight Response

I am sure I do not have to tell you fellow readers, that individuals are most vulnerable the period after a break up. We are more prone to make regretful decisions, act on impulse and conduct in behaviour that is out of the ordinary with our personality. One of these decisions involves selecting a rebound that is not our type.

Why do we find a rebound?

As previously stated, there is a void in many forms within us after a breakup. Rejection can be a difficult thing to digest and really can surface any insecurity whether it is past or present. Individual’s chase a rebound, (who often is selected because of their convenience and emotional availability), too simply fill the void the break up has created. Thus, acting like a plaster to an open wound. It is during this period, the individuals psychological, emotional, and physical bleeding is healing, (Should the rebound be good to her/him). The person on the wrong side of a breakup often feels inadequate within themselves, has them seeking closure, and feels there is something wrong with themselves. Rather, than addressing these true or false beliefs, individuals will hunt for a rebound. In turn, this suppresses the thoughts that need to be addressed or challenged and subsequently has somebody else fixing the wounds rather themselves. Such actions suggest the flight response; running from the trauma of a breakup into somebody else’s arms to fix.

Consequences of a rebound

Once the bleeding stops, the plaster is no longer needed. In other words, you selected your rebound not because they are your type, not because you see a long term future, but because they made you feel good about yourself at a time when you was down. However, now you are no longer limping because of your previous relationship thanks to the support of the rebound ..you realise they are not your type. ‘OUCH!’
One major and cruel consequence of a rebound is that they suffer after supporting you. In some sense this is a waking up call for them to perhaps not rush into something as the person they were covertly supporting, was eager to fill their void. On the other hand, this could feel cruel and painful as suddenly the individual they supported, loved and care for is breaking up with them, when all they did was treat them well.

One further consequence of a rebound is that you pick a dirty plaster. In other words, your trauma and pain of a breakup is toppled with somebody who reinforces them feelings of low self-worth and self-value. This is a nightmare scenario and can really cause deep rooted emotional and psychological issues in the long term.

The best response after a breakup; The fight response

When a soldier gets shot in war, he is either sent to be healed or even back home, he is not kept on the battlefield. That is the same approach to breakups. Being dumped is supposed to be a painful experience, you have invested time, emotions, energy, finances, and your entire soul into a person who has thrown that away, it is supposed to hurt! Relationships are the biggest gamble, if you gamble on the wrong person, then it can shape us in a way that can be hard to stare in the mirror. Fortunately, pain is the steroids for growth. A break up allows us to re-evaluate why things went wrong, what can be done in the future, where within ourselves do we need improving; our strengths and weaknesses. Additionally, it may even educate us in what features we do or do not want in our future partners. The fight response to a breakup includes spending the time, money, emotions, energy spared from a relationship upon ourselves. Being cut loose from an individual allows us to rebuild ourselves and really push and grow for a better partner in the future.

Although this road is long and difficult, it is certainly the most beneficial. The saying ‘you complete me’ is nothing but a fairy-tale manifested from Hollywood. You should not need anybody to complete you, that suggests you are incomplete without them; a dangerous recipe should that person be no longer available. You should strive to be completed by yourself. Do not look to your partner to fix your problems, that expectancy can cause strain upon the relationship. If they naturally manage to assist you with what may need ‘fixing,’ because they are a secure individual and brings the best out of you, then great! But you should never go into a relationship expecting to be fixed. Subsequently, that is why the fight response is the best formula after a breakup.