Self esteem in relationships
When I began dating, there were many stereotypes that modelled itself before me. But none have been as striking as these:
Guys were the obligate givers. They were the ones referred to as 'stingy' when he is prudent.
Girls got loud about how much they were given from their boyfriends in their ceaseless gossip-meetings. The one that had the most gifts was the most loved. And every body else felt bad
Guys used jealousy as a tool to communicate love. Asking "where are you?"" What are you doing with that guy?" was an exclusively masculine job.
Girls thought jealousy was cute and sexy until they choked on it surprisingly.
But these relationships had a patina of romantic satisfaction on the surface. But beneath the blissful banter, I saw girls uncomfortable with their joy being determined by how wealthy her lover was. I engaged guys and jealousy was simply out of their sheer insecurity. It was a consuming endeavor to police a girl.
Sometimes, guys confessed they acted jealous because they feel that's what their girl wants and they get confused when she turns around and complains he is a control freak.
In the labyrinth of these models, I began to construct how I wanted my own relationship to be regardless of who I dated. It was a painstaking process, like a carpenter looking for just the right wood, with the right angle to fit the right gap.
Today, when we go to shop, or visit an eatery, we have a protracted discussion on who's not going to pay. "You paid last time, remember?"we say to each other, sometimes in a coincidental chorus. Sometimes, I'm faster to the POS at the counter. Sometimes she is.
Every one is an obligate giver.
I've never been good at policing and my relationship clearly wasn't the place to begin. Meet a guy. Make friends. Get admirers in the process. Let's gist about it much later. I'll laugh hard about that guy who cried to make her say " love you too". This has always been my mantra.
Jealousy is NOT a fruit of the spirit so it generally has no place in my love-life. But if I wasn't a Christian, I've seen that one of the big damages jealousy does is the obsession you have to incarcerate your lover in a prison of your own narrow expectation. And that's all your relationship becomes...an object for your obsession rather than your affection.
it sure looks cute in the beginning but it is a monster!
Although we don't talk about it as everyday reality, guys still physically molest their girls, girls still pull their guys down to show him how hurt she is about something.
And these same people boast of being above the malady on social media
It's the kind of model you may not be able to confront head-on culturally but you can make your relationship one beautiful lily in the mire.
It's hard work, I agree.
But would you rather do any other kind of work?