4 Bangers
Four bangers...
El Jefe grunted and looked around aggressively at the four of us around the meeting table.
He lifted the printouts in front of him and grimaced as if eating a penis-shaped dog biscuit.
Four... Bangers.
Now he looked accusing as he caught the eye of each person around the table.
The room was tense. Myself and three others who had recently been given line management responsibilities had been summoned to see him and he was not a happy chappy.
I asked for suggestions to improve productivity and this is what I get. These?
He riffled the printouts with disdain. He then picked one, seemingly at random.
You, Fandan. You suggested we create Knowledge Champions. Knowledge Champions... What are we, a game show?
Fandan blushed and looked down at her notepad before speaking.
Well, with the introduction of Partner Services we are losing knowledge in some...
El Jefe chopped a hand through the air to cut her off.
Nope...
He scuffed through the printouts again, grabbed at one and started quacking like an angry duck.
Norman, you said we should update the org charts?
He narrowed his eyes. Disapproval radiating from every pore.
Norman nodded frantically.
Yeah, you know... Sometimes it's hard to find out who to speak to about things...
Org charts.
Hooted El Jefe in a slightly deranged way.
Norman made to speak further but was silenced by the lowering of El Jefe's bulbous brow.
Freeman....
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. When he spoke his voice was dangerously quiet.
You suggested a Bake sale. A. Bake. Sale.
Freeman grinned like a buffoon who had filled his car with yoghurt instead of petrol.
Everyone loves cakes!
He twittered, oblivious to the looming danger in the room.
El Jefe was by now a frightening shade of red. He twitched several times before turning to face me.
And finally... Finally we have this... From you...
He held up the last printout.
Bring back the rubbish bins...
A deadly silence permeated the room.
I clucked happily and nodded.
He stared at me as if willing his eyes to shoot out on stalks and start punching my beautiful face.
Would you, Boomdawg, care to elaborate?
I tossed my pen up in the air where it twirled before I caught it in a breathtaking display of gymnastic ability.
Oh yes. Since the bins were removed from under the desks we waste a lot of time going back and forth to the central recycling bin. I mean, I dread to think of the man-days lost.
I grinned like a naked bear smeared in honey.
El Jefe rose up in his seat for a second before collapsing back down. He looked down and shook his head before mumbling four fucking bangers?
He stood fully this time.
This is not good enough. I need better ideas by the end of the week.
He stamped out of the room and slammed the door.
Were you guys being serious then?
I asked of the other bangers.
As a one they nodded.
Oh dear, we might be in trouble.
Maybe the centralised bins are the only way to enforce some exercise?????
Aaarghh!! Surely not, then again, it is IT, there are a lot who need it!! :0D
The bake sales!😂😂😂. The go to shit idea!
I had a good chuckle at that one. Someone always trots it out!
I’m happy that there is room for improvement and corrections till end of the week.
Please I must advise the four bangers to come up with a better and impressive idea soon.
Nice 👍🏽 one again @meesterboom
This is @maxdevalue
Haha yeah, we have two days. I have one up my sleeve but couldn't resist teasing him!
You are doomed I say, doomed! If that is all the four can come up with...it might be demotions all around.
It was pretty bad eh!!
hahaha! sir meesterboom! what a bunch of nincumpoops lol. It's amazing ya'll still have a job. what does El Jefe want though anyway, miracles from regular people? He's demanding too much! If he's so great, let HIM come up with something!
Bosses never come up with anything, is as if they have been promoted for the opposite of thinking!!
hahaha! oh man isn't that the sad truth! Well, I hoping that your office situation on your posts is a wild flight of fantasy from real life but perhaps it isn't! that's a scary thought.
If only they were! I just jazz up the real happenings with rude words. lol!!
ha! oh my gosh sir meesterboom that's almost scary! lol.
Well, at least you'll never run out of material to post about!
A curse or a blessing! Lol
From bangers to mash in two days, unless you come up with something else to run up the flagpole to get ahead of the curve and get the ball rolling to go the extra mile outside the box.
I'm flagging all my balls up that curve!!
What a useless bunch you are lol. I hope you are just pulling his leg and have something else. The easiest way to create productivity is to either fire them or incentivise them. You can raise productivity in days this way.
I know I was, I have a feeling the rest of the suggestions were quite serious. Don't get me wrong, I do like a bake sale but ffs, its hardly groundbreaking!
The bake sale deserved a slap and not a NEIN. Yours was fairly constructive. We had a scenario where pallets were stored in our warehouse and I calculated 3 hours a day were being lost with incorrect storage moving stuff around.
It is astonishing how much time can be lost by the simplest of things!
I think for now they have saved from the wrath of their boss but will not last forever
We must eliminate the bosses!!
Ooh, Toad in the Hole...That's sort of my story, me at Toad Hall, in a hole...well it's a quick one, I didn't say it'd be interesting! ;)
An intriguing one!! Who doesn't love a bit of wind about the willows!! :0)
Hahaha. I remember when they took our bins away. "Health and Safety" or some such bollocks.
Updated org charts are always useful though.
Updated Org charts seem to be quite popular!
I do miss my bin!