Disruptor #2

in #life5 years ago

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I flung myself down in one of the meeting room chairs as if it were a ball pool and I were drunk. A kiddies ball pool that is and not a pit full of severed testicles.

El Jefe followed, closing the door behind him and turning the lock button.

He slumped down in the chair across me with a sigh.

We've got a situation. I won't lie to you. It's dire. We need you and I am going to play it straight. You don't really have a 'no' option.

He said grimly.

I arched an eyebrow questioningly like a Guinea pig seeing a Quorn sausage for the first time.

'We' need me? Who the fock is we?

I drawled in a sophisticated American accent so as not to show my alarm.

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El Jefe frowned.

Why are you talking with a Irish accent?

It's not Irish, it's Amoricyan.

I said casually.

I was playing for time whilst I assessed the room for escape routes and possible weaponry in case El Jefe got his penis out. The whole being needed thing was making me uneasy.

Quit it with the Irish shit. I need you focused.

El Jefe shuffled his chair closer till his knee pushed against mine. I narrowed my eyes to let him know that he was breaking The Code big style.

You know we have that big contract to supply Test resource at Smart G Media?

He whispered, his voice was hoarse and desperate sounding, like an ill-damped fart in an elevator.

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Yes. Of course I know.

I replied testily.

El Jefe pushed in even closer. I hoped fervently that he had had kippers for breakfast and that the smell radiating from him wasn't baw hum™
baw hum™ - the warm wafting scent of balls rising from the crotch area of trousers that have been worn for too many days

We lost another fucking one last week.

He stated bleakly.

I decided enough was enough. This cryptic riddling was going nowhere. First he needed me then the mysterious we needed me. Now it seemed no-one was needing me but we had lost someone and that someone wasn't the first.

I mean, what the fuck?

Boss man, you are going to have to explain if you want my help. Who did we lose? What do you mean 'lose' and finally what do you mean you 'need' me?

I gave him the hard stare.

El Jefe nodded in simple acceptance.

Yes, you are right. Sorry. I should have been more clear. It's like this...

He took a deep breath.

We have been supplying test resource for Smart G Media for what, six months now? Over that time we have lost four of our guys.

He looked me straight in the eye.

Four guys in six months? It's unacceptable. I need you, BoomDawg. I need you to go in deep. I mean real deep. Deeper than you have ever gone. Can you go deep for me?

I made a smirming face.

Why me?

El Jefe made a strange barking sound.

Because we trust you. You are one of our best guys. You are the man.

I nodded, this couldn't be flattery. I mean, it was true, I was kind of amazing.

So let me be clear, when you say we've lost them, you mean lost lost?

El Jefe grimaced as if he had just licked a leaf.

Lost, yup. For good...

He made a slicing gesture across his throat.

Fucking hell, this was big. Our guys were being picked off one by one in hostile territory and they wanted me to go in there and start cracking jaws? It stank of danger.

So you want me to go in there under deep cover and find out what the hell happened to our guys?

El Jefe nodded.

Yes, BoomDawg. We will give you a proper cover story and everything, make out you are some kind of shit hot tester.

Hey! I am a shit hot tester?

El Jefe blinked rapidly.

Yes, of course. That's what I meant. So are you in? Will you go in deep for us?

Will there be extra money?

El Jefe made a soft mooing noise, shaking his head whilst pretending to nod and avoiding my eye.

So, no money then. I could have told him to fuck off.

I could have said no.

I could still.

But no. This was proper detectivity. My penis was twitching at the prospect of such detectivosity as if I were in a Sunday service.

Yeah, fuck it. I'll do it...

Sort:  

baw hum™ - the warm wafting scent of balls rising from the crotch area of trousers that have been worn for too many days

TM? Lol... who patented this claim?!

Me!! It's awesome, the first time I mentioned it to someone they knew exactly what I meant!! :0D

Haha,, only north of the border!

We do have harsher winters!!

That should keep the baw hum at bay for longer!

It does tamp it down a bit :0)

Baw deep in baw hum, this isn't sounding good!

You have to watch out for that baw hum, it sneaks up on you!

They probably just got offered more money somewhere else. And the helpdesk isn't in England. It doesn't take much these days.

Offered more money?? Pfft, surely it Corrientes be so simple. They have obviously been murdered, perhaps evil monsters are wearing their skins and masquerading as them to their poor loved ones!!

Sure, in your story.

Dang, I will need to change it. . ;0D

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