Ears
Don't you think that ears look like vaginas?
Asked my mate Daz as he looked off into the distance at something I couldn't see.
I thought for a moment and took a sip of my coffee.
Old ears, maybe?
I mused.
Myself and Daz were in the usual Park cafe that we had haunted so regularly before his third child was born. It was good to see him. I had missed our deep and philosophical discussions.
Not the waxy ones, though. Like dogs ears, they don't look like them.
He said, his face creasing slightly at the thought of a dog-eared vagina being a thing.
I shuddered slightly.
Yeah, not dogs ears. They are minging.
We both nodded and stared out over the duck pond for some moments. Daz seemed quite quiet and reflective. I guess that's what having a third child does to you. Burns out your soul.
Like those pigs ears you get for dogs to chew?
I ventured.
Ha, aye. Like them. Well, after three kids defo.
Daz snorted.
He sounded a little bitter. It can be a terrible thing this burden of manhood at times. I felt for him.
You been down there then?
I asked subtly.
Aye.
Replied Daz softly. His gaze went long again and he seemed very far away.
She is talking about a fourth?
He whispered as if hardly able to believe the words coming out of his own mouth.
A fourth?! But that's mental. Imagine the chaos? I struggle with two and you are talking four?!?
My mind recoiled at the thought. One day I dreamed that I would get some of my life back, sleep for starters would be good. Followed by being able to eat a full plateful of food without someone screaming that something wasn't fair and/or having food thrown at me.
I said it was chaotic enough with three to her, she said she loves the chaos.
He shook his head.
I joined in and shook mine.
You want my advice mate? Don't shag her. Ever again. Problem solved.
Daz looked startled at such out of the box problem solvery.
Steady on mate, am no going through the rest of my life without a shag?
I put a hand reassuringly on his shoulder.
Well, we could buy you some of those pigs ears?
We laughed and for a blissful moment, it seemed like we didn't live in a world full of ravenous vaginas and angry wives demanding more children inserted into them.
Huh!! And all this time I thought my husband was calling me 'big ears'...I think I should be offended lol
Little Red Riding Hood's plot just took on a whole new meaning.
hahaaa..my new bedtime favorite
I don't think I will be reading that story with the same spirit to the kids!!
hahaha :D :D
;0)
Ha!! Awesome!! He is quite the complimenter!
lols
😂
I wish this post was sat at the top of Trending. Buy all the votes Boomy and present your comedy to the world!
Hahaha, it still wouldn't be read!! LOLZ!
I'll give them an earful, or someone will, maybe Daz?
Haha, he can't, everything he gives an earful to has children 9 months later!!
Poor chap. No wonder his gaze is endless.
He isn't the same chap since the third. Actually since the second bit then the same can be said about me!!
Hard to understand wanting more chaos and a droopier ear..... women!?
Psychos, that's what I think in parents :0D
The next time you are in a bulk food shop, look around for Dried Pear Halves. Once you see a bin of these ...
Source
They make a great treat. Some folks even like to drizzle them with cream before eating.
Hahahaha 6, oh noes oh no oh no oh noes!?!
Now I ask you ...
Do you think these look like ears?
Yes, I do. Very much so, in fact 8 feel a stirring in the force?!... :0D
Hahaha, good old Jabba!
Madness. Four kids and all young tell him his life will be ruined. It is alright if you are loaded and all that but I stopped at two. Three kids will cost a fortune, but four he will need gazillions of Steem. Tell him to go get his tube cut and then he is a sports model.
Haha, he is wrecker just now and it's not been that long since number three was born. He's older than me, I don't know if I could take it!!
FIrst, made me laugh too.
Second....oooh how depressed I was when preggers with #4. My biggest question to myself was "HOw will I keep another child alive?" I mean, It'll run out in the street when I'm not paying attention! Oyyyy, the responsibility of it just weighed me DOWN DOWN DOWN.
But THEN! the moment she was born with her quite chubby cheeks, it made me laugh and all that weight disappeared.
ON the other hand...vasectomy...¯_(ツ)_/¯
Aw, I bet, when you see them they break your heart with their loveliness!
Vasectomys have been on my mind! You were no doubt young and full of vim on your fourth. We are old as feck! IT seems to be the new thing being old lol!!
yes quite...and if being old is the new "thing", then I say we have mastered it! ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ ♪
Masters of the universe!! Hurrah!! :OD
It's not the same.
What about if you soak it in red wine vinegar overnight?
Then they will look/smell more like some Vajayjays
Definitely, got is sussed. I'm off to buy some :0)
Tried that. Tried pineapple juice. Tried rubbing alcohol. Tried ranch salad dressing. Tried purple flavoured sugar drink. Tried cat urine. Tried cream(cow). Tried pond water. Tried bottled water. Tried vodka. Tried mustard. Tried Ketchup. Tried hotsauce(avoid at all costs!). Tried saliva(human). Tried blood(the first time was really messy). Nothing works.
Just the first time eh!
What about ginger kombucha? Hmm, that might make for a fizzy slightly stingy woowoo!
No! See, the thing is...
Shh. Between us guys. You're going the wrong way about this.
Bananas.
Oh jeez nice day today isn't it!
Hahaha, oh I remember that!!
And yes. What are lovely day!
...god I love this place
Hehe, there are some good things!!
Perhaps he should get the old snipety snip in secret. I'm sure it's just a lunchtime procedure these days. Like liposuction and botox and whatnot.
Apparently though your balls deep up like nobodies business and this lasts for a few days at least after the fact. Imagine trying to explain your need to sit on a refrigerated beanbag for days on end away!!
No no no - he better put his foot down -but some women just do not have a problem with many kids............ step away from the ears.......
O I love some of these replies. So funny.
Haha, solve of them are hilarious. Aye, some foot can just live in a whirlwind of madness and think it's cool!?
Now you have a problem, how are you going to keep the Good Lady away from Daz's boss?
It is surprising what can happen over a cup of tea, or two, when these women meet, they can suggest all sorts of horrible things, and the first you know about it as after it is too late
Ha, there is no chance. Even the good lady is on the no more kids side of the fence!!
Wow, this is a good one @meesterboom. Great viewpoint and I'll never look at an ear without this blog running through my brain. I've heard many other comparisons as to what it looks like after multiple kids as well as having multiple partners. Arby's roast beef sandwich is one of the comparisons used to describe exactly how ones private part looks. And this ain't no compliment either. lmao
A roast beef sandwich :0D yeah I've heard that one too. Guys can be so unkind!