Holy Mackerel
Boomdawg, what are you doing?
Asked my colleague Dribble.
He was a Java developer so I had to fight the urge to drop an elbow on him just for speaking to me.
Making my lunch.
I replied, concentrating on stirring the contents of my plastic tub thoroughly before slamming it back into the microwave for another round of death-ray hokey pokey.
Yeah, I see that but what the actual fuck are you making? It stinks.
I turned to him, my face squinty with indignation like a koala bear eating a dead dog.
That's charming. It's a spicy mackerel curry if you must know
Dribble reeled back in horror as if he had touched a ducks tongue.
A fucking what? That's minging. It's stinking out the office. I don't think you should be allowed to cook fish in the microwave.
I made a matronly clucking noise with my tongue.
Well dibbley-baws, I don't give a hoot what you think I should be allowed to cook.
The microwave dinged and I removed my aromatic mackerel curry. It was a little pungent, true but I knew it would taste amazing.
I lifted the lid and let some hot fish stink waft free.
I winked at Dribble.
Smell that eh, it's like your wife's baws.
I walked away leaving him sputtering something about his wife definitely not being testicularly endowed.
Later, after my fine luncheon, El Jefe stopped by my desk.
BoomDawg, follow me.
I got up with a sigh and followed him into a dank little meeting room which stank of spicy fish.
We sat.
He looked a little uncomfortable. As if he had freshly shaved his breasts and they were starting to itch.
There's been a complaint.
He said after a pause.
Oh aye. Is it the air-conditioning? It's too warm, like a sauna at times.
I said with an easy going flair.
No.
He sighed heavily.
It's about you cooking fish in the microwave. People are complaining about the smell.
I nodded.
Ah. That's unfortunate.
Yes, so if you don't mind, could you... Perhaps not? I don't really want it to become an issue but I have to be seen to be fair.
Hmm, you have to be seen to be fair... What about Keeler and that weird minty lamb shit he cooks? What about Felice and her boiled eggs she is always heating in the microwave?
El Jefe sighed and nodded.
Yeah, those eggs do smell.
I nodded my head too and for a brief moment we were like two old dogs licking a lamppost.
No-one has complained about them though so they are fine.
Said El Jefe with some seeming reluctance.
Ok, I wish to complain about them. Oh. And Janny the Fanny, he heats up couscous all the time in the microwave. It's horrid, the smell terribly offends me.
El Jefe looked incredulous.
Couscous?? Couscous doesn't smell?
Yes it does. Blergh, makes me feel sick. In fact I think I'm allergic to the smell.
El Jefe threw his hands up.
Are you serious? Are you really wanting to formally complain about those three?
You have to be seen to be fair so... Yes.
I said smugly.
Alright, I give up. I don't care anyway, cook your bloody fish in the microwave. In fact you can all cook what you bloody want.
He got up, shaking his head and left.
I sat for a moment before wrinkling my nose and deciding to get out of there as well.
The stink of spicy fish was killing me.
ha! sir meesterboom... sometimes ya gotta fight fire with fire but I almost feel sorry for El Jefe! lol.
Hehe, I wouldn't feel sorry for him and his giant wallet for dealing with us underthings!
"underthings"... lol!
I love the smell of spicy fish in the morning LOL
Probably before your time tho..
Lol, definitely not before my time!! I'm as old as the hills!
Yea man!!! Now, the office can have a chef in the meeting room cooking up some buffet there. Hahahahah!! Upvoted!
That would be a fine thing!
I’d be staying clear of Felice in the afternoon. mackerel in a microwave though?? 😷😷😷😷You’re an animal. Give me the mint lamb smell any day.
I am a fish mad animal!! SMELL MY FISH!
You must be cod'en
That truly is the worst joke I have ever heard!!! LOL!
A great fun read, but early on in my Management Career, I had to deal with 2 very serious issues, which nearly drove me back down to "worker" level.
The first was a turf war over what shelf could and could not be filled with free soda the owners provided. It turned into a turf war that was really hard to talk about without rolling my eyes. At the peak of this battle, one formerly sane employee emptied the entire fridge onto the floor, because there was no place for his lunch sack.
The second battle was over the smell of microwave popcorn in the office.
So, these are really important issues, and I fear you are mocking these really important and potential career-killing moments.
Oh those are indeed career killing moments, you should see the horror conflict in my place. I normally steer well clear but sometimes, just sometimes I like to add a bit of Shazam to it!!
Oh boomie....leftover fish? ewwwwwww!
Fresh!! Ish... :0D
There is a popular saying in Venezuela, "He who has the tail of straw does not come near the fire," he can burn himself. Complaining about something when they do worse things. That is called selfishness, envy
I like this very much!!
Ahahaha good way to defend a right. Many times people complain about what others do but forget the things they do that can annoy others. It is said that between tastes and colors authors have not written. I congratulate you!
I take your congratulations and congratulate you back!
I'm pretty sure koalas only eat gum leaves.
Also, I don't miss working in a office with those cat food people who ate stinky tuna everyday.
Yeah, those tuna eaters are the worst man!!! ;0)
Ah, but of course. We like the other type of Java ;)
Allergic to the smell of couscous... I would have gone for allergic to the smell of unwashed peons just to get your own office, but I suppose that might not work out too well.
By the way, what ever happened to that raise for Cow-lick? Got anything out of the grubby Jefe fellow?
Oh yes indeed, the other Java is perfectly fine!
I have indeed received a raise. I shudder to think of recounting how poor it is!!