Something Dark This Way Comes

in #life5 years ago

IMG-PHOTO-ART-1106900548_20190610162429667.jpg

From downstairs came the sound of screaming and running feet ending in an almighty crash.

Waaaaaaahhhh!!

The Little Boom's wail echoed through the whole house followed by great racking sobs and yells.

A door opened.

Daddy-Bear!! What the hell are you doing up there, it's bedlam down here!?!

What was I doing? I thought it rather obvious when I had told her some time ago that I was going for my morning shit what I was doing.

Reluctantly, I put my phone down.

There's something coming out my arse!!!

I yelled back at the good lady.

What!?

A touch of concern coloured her voice.

Something horrible, oh God, it's a MONSTER!?

I moaned theatrically, as if I were an old man who had been served an over-cooked poached egg.

Oh, very funny. Well, hurry up, you're needed.

I could hear the sigh in her voice.

As I was now quite rested, I finished my business and tootled downstairs. I was feeling quite full of myself and chuckly at my own hilarity.

Can't a man have five minutes peace to do his morning shit!!

I bellowed as I thumped open the door to the lounge and marched through it..

Oh.

My bravado laden shit-boasting tailed off into nothing as I saw that we had a guest sitting on the couch, sipping coffee.

The Good Lady's doula friend, Olette.

Olette looked at the clock which showed it was just after 12 and smiled merrily at me.

I think it's more of an afternoon shit?

She said with a knowing smile.

Inwardly, I was curling up like a slug in a bag of salt at the embarrassment. My mind raced, what the hell should I say to that!?

Fortunately, my inner boom took the wheel in the absence of any brain action.

Oh but my dear Olette, a morning shit is a morning shit whether it be morning, noon or night!

She grimaced, her shit-o-meter obviously maxed out.

I winked and left her chewing on her own feet to go help the good lady.

Sort:  

Why aren't you poet laureate of your country?

For previously the above!! :0D

She almost had you there. good thing you're well versed in the law of morning shits 💩💩

She did, I was on the ropes!! :0)

Not sure what it is about this woman, but something in me wants her to get locked in the bathroom after one of your morning shits, hahaha!

That means you want her dead!!!!!. Hehe!!

Oh gosh....I don't like this Olette....she is weird and creepy! I think you need to put your foot down and ask her not to visit anymore.

The good lady pure loves her! I think she is a wee bit weird myself!!

The good lady pure
Loves her! I think she is a
Wee bit weird myself!!

                 - meesterboom


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

You need to be warned by the good old lady as that is a trap. Time to go to gym and visit your favorite toilet seat for some peace and quiet. I agree we all need a peaceful 20 minutes and this is all we ask for.

It's a time for reflection!!

I'm in between gyms, it's a pure bastard. The good Lady is meeting me about because we get a family one

the pic looks like Michael Gove who is trying to become prime minister here in the UK, mind he did admit to taking cocaine last week.

Posted using Partiko iOS

He did! Never a more unlikely cocaine taker I have ever seen :0D

Dear lord, is she always there? You can't seem to get a break from her.

Hehe, she normally comes on a Sunday but we were away and she couldn't miss a week. Oh no no no!

It is funny that the phone only rings when you are quietly contemplating.
The door is only knocked on when you are about 1/2 way through as well.
shall I go on?
It is a dastardly conspiracy designed to keep the poor downtrodden males from having 5 minutes peace and quiet

I believe that to be so. And always exactly halfway through!!

By the time you have done the paperwork, they either hung up or gone away, leaving you in a quandary.
Who was that?, What did they want? maybe it was a giveaway you have just missed out on?

There is never anything to be missed out on! Will, I hope not :0D

Ah, but you don't know because you were sitting, quietly contemplating your navel, at the time

It's a fine navel to contemplate on!

Ah, if only we could run real fast opposite the earth's spin, and make time reverse, so we could un-do some of our do's. Then again, she may not come back, which means you don't have to hide upstairs as often during morning ablutions. There may BE a silver lining, to many a dark, odoriferous cloud.
You crack me up...

Running the opposite way. It almost seems like it could be a thing. Maybe it's we could fly and wear red pants!!! :0D

Yes, I may have I borrowed that from the great caped one in mantights. But it IS a good idea...

Oh yes, I greatly agree!!

ha! she should know better than to try and outwit the great Boom Dawg!

She should, I agree. They all should!

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