What Prevents Us To be Who We Want To Be

in #life6 years ago (edited)

Perhaps, it's time to rest a little from the science and direct the flow of thoughts in another area. Just to talk about us, about people. In clashes with yourself from the past, present and future becomes obvious how paradoxically our thinking works. We are woven from contradictions.

Do you remember who you wanted to be when you were a kid? And who do you want to be now, or in a year? Each of us in the head has an image of the future “I”. This image can be formed in childhood, or in school, or at dinner last night, is not important. Each person is committed to changes, to become a little bit different, smarter, more successful, richer, happier, better, than at the moment.

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Today, in the era of technology and the blurring of boundaries already everyone realized that they have almost unlimited possibilities to become who they want to be. But, the existence of opportunities does not mean their use.

So why the world is full of unhappy people who want, but cannot realize their full potential? What are the excuses we use to justify our own inaction? And why are we not able to work on a long term, not only during bright motivation?

I have a lot of time to begin

Let's start with the obvious, this is the first paradox of our thinking on the way to action. On the one hand, we think that we still have a lot of time ahead to start changing: week, month, year, 10 years. On the other hand, despite such conditional infinity of time (which belongs to us), we can't rationally estimate how long it will take to achieve our goals.

How many months do you need to learn programming, or learn the language of the country you want to move, or get a black belt in karate? We tend to think that any task will take only a little time, in comparison with all the time that we have, until our death. This is how procrastination occurs. You did not put off your dream for a year ahead, you lost a year to fulfill it.

Today is not the day

Even if you realized that your time is limited and it's time to act, this does not mean that everything will work out, everything is just beginning. Why don't we start to act immediately after the decision about the changes? Because today is not that day: it's too late, or too early, a new episode of your favorite TV show, a meeting at work or a friend's birthday.

We understand that we will face a difficult way, and it gives us an excuse to wait for the perfect day to begin to act. We tell ourselves that since we undertake such an important and long process as improving ourselves, we must do it right. We must be as focused and ready as possible, so as not to lose further motivation. But the truth is, that perfect day will never come. We must recognize that every day is a good day to work on yourself.

Self-control is a limited resource

Oddly enough, but we have too much faith in their own strength and overestimate the amount of energy and enthusiasm that we have. When we imagine ourselves in the future, in the process of implementing the goals, we unconsciously create an ideal environment for working. We forget about the fact, that on the way to the goal we will constantly face small and big factors of the depletion. And the belief that enthusiasm will help us overcome all the hardships is too high.

We are not robots, our energy is limited, cannot overcome such a long way as the change yourself, only on sprint. So, when we face harsh reality, we begin to lose faith in ourselves and in idea itself, of pushing it for later, or completely abandoning it. You need to soberly assess how much effort you are willing to spend on your goal today, to lay the necessary minimum for tomorrow and for all the way overall. Planning - the primary component of any action.

Problems are part of life

Making first successful steps on the way to the goal, we unconsciously believe that solving some problems, we get rid of them forever. This is not true, there will always be new problems, and even some old can come back. Generally, the whole life consists of solving problems, even if you do everything right, it's okay.

The euphoria of achieving any goal will pass fast. You were promoted at work, you launched your own project, or finally got a diploma. It's great, it's inspiring, but doesn't change the fact that you need to move forward, solving the problems relevant to your new position. The main thing is to realize that solving problems is the path to your development throughout life, and not the devious desire of the Universe to break your spirit.

Happiness is not static

I'll give a simple example: all your life you wanted to have physically developed body, and after a year of effort, has evolved from a clumsy fat into a Hercules. What's next? Here you come across something that you did not think about before: any achieved goal is not permanently retained by itself, it is necessary to continue to maintain the result.

You cannot stay in place, having achieved success. You are moving forward or going back. And each of us makes own choice: to stop and settle for the fact that we were able to achieve something, either ready to continue to work tirelessly until we reach our limit. The limit is primarily how long you are willing to work. This applies not only to sports. Any new thing you wanted to buy (home, car, phone), in time will become in your eyes an ordinary old thing that will no longer be the source of strong joy. New can't stay new always.

***

Reread everything that I wrote above, I'm thinking: is it worth starting to change yourself for the better or easier to learn to accept yourself such as you are now? Actually, none of these ways is not easier in relation to another…

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We should remember one very important thing: we are fickle in our desires and aspirations. The fact that today you are happy in yourself, doesn’t mean that tomorrow you won't want to change something in your life. Starting to change, we must clearly understand that our main enemies are we ourselves.

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Yup life is hard, but one should never lose hope and keep going.

My guess is our mindset denies us from being what we want to be.. Nice post @natord

Oh Yes, we are perfectly able to negotiate with ourselves to avoid extra effort. Thank you for reading!

You are welcome!

Nice write, in the future I hope to be at least as happy as I am today.

I sincerely wish you to be happy! Though happiness has not the comparative degree, I hope in your case it will increase :)

  • It starts with you. From you, for you.

      MikQuote

its publication is a good subject to reflect on.

Thank you!

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