Overcoming My Drug Addiction

This is going to be a very difficult post for me to write, but I overcome something personal and very challenging in my life. I hope that this would inspire someone that whatever challenge you face in your life, whether it's a bad relationship, addiction or financial stress, that you can and will overcome it IF you put your mind and attitude behind it.

I've always had a very addictive personality based on how I grew up. I was raised in a very strict and religious household - Yes I should've been an absolute saint BUT I was the complete opposite based on the fact that I wanted to prove that I wasn't as awesome as people thought I was. I have always had the mentality, that I want to prove people wrong, regardless of how good or bad the outcome could be. This opened up a whole new world that I never thought or realized existed. I suddenly found myself doing stupid stuff to get hold of my next fix at the age of 16...

ok, let me take a few steps back...

ME....WHO I AM....AND WHO IS AROUND ME

I am the kind of person that will get along with any type. It doesn't matter whether you are religious, atheist, different race, gothic, drug addict or the primmest & proper person in the world. I will somehow be able to become friends with you LOL, not sure how I do it but I think it's my approach towards life in general. Everyone deserves a chance and if you allow yourself to be open minded with their character, then you will see a side of them that is appealing, even if nobody else can see it. This can be a good and a bad trait, depending on the type of person that you are. This wasn't the case for me though, this is bad since I have a very addictive personality. This often landed me in hot water in terms of addictions, such as drugs & alcohol. I often found myself at some rave or trance party, snorting who knows what and landing up somewhere that I wasn't even sure how I got there "safely" in the first place. I know that I was never going to leave this habit, as you will chat to any previous addict and they will probably say the same thing when it comes to addiction...you will keep chasing that initial high or feeling you got from your addiction when it started..it's something that you can't explain to anyone, since everyone would experience this sensation differently.

CONSEQUENCES AND RELAPSE

I never thought that I could feel any better and that life couldn't get better than this...but I soon found out that my next "high" just wasn't "high enough" so I started using harder and harder drugs and often used wayyyy more than I should. This ended up in getting my best friend nearly killed, because of our obsession to always want more...do more and achieve more from an addiction perspective...I swore that I will never touch it again until I had some tragedy hit me a few years later that made me crave for the feeling of being away from everything...that moment of false sanity that I felt, was all that I could hold on to. This made me spiral into another disaster where it almost cost my life and my family because of what I went through. I realized that if I don't stop this madness now, that I would end up either dead or worse. Now I can imagine that most of you are thinking, how can there be worse than death?? Well if you are on a such a high and not 100% aware of your surroundings or actions, then you can take someone else's life unintentionally, which means you will need to live with that guilt and remorse for the rest of your life. Most people don't realize that you can have a massive impact on others existence, based on your words or actions that would have a ripple effect throughout their family or legacy. This is something that we should consider before we do say or do something out of impulse...

DAILY STRUGGLE

I never realized, how difficult it would be to work through this craving and emotion that goes with the drug addiction. I found that locking myself out from the rest of the world, didn't help for long as I had to face the world again and all its complications. I didn't want to have these emotions or cravings anymore, but I want to be my old self again...how can I possibly recover and stay recovered with all these emotional baggage dragging behind me.

This was easier said than done and most other recovering addicts would agree with me on this point. You have to find something to hold on to, whether it's your fantastic wife and awesome family, work or a strange hobbies...you need to have that part of your life that you can focus on when you are in a dark, emotional and what seems like never ending black hole.

TRIGGER POINTS

This was a very important part of my recovery process. So trigger points would be things that remind you of your addiction, whether it's a friend, stressful situation or even as stupid as an activity that you use to partake in before, during or after your addiction abuse. You need to identify these things in your life and force them out...completely out, there is no such thing as compromise, as believe me it will start with a compromise and then before you know it, you will be back to your old habits...This can be very harsh, as you might have a very old best friend, but if they are bad for you and can't influence your life in a positive way, then it's best to stay away...think of the aforementioned consequences and what it means from a ripple effects perspective.

5 YEARS LATER - AM I HAPPIER??

I need a shave yes, but am I happier??

So I get asked this many times over, Phil....are you happier since you've left your drug & alcohol addiction...I don't normally answer straight away, not that I miss it.I just have that moment where all the previous events, emotions and people would flash in front of my eyes like a movie with a bad ending..and I come back to reality, surrounded by my stunning wife and amazing children and realize that I made the ride decision. This will always be my motivation to stay away from what once almost ruined me and others future completely.

I am still a bit nuts, but happier LOL

I would be more than happy to discuss this with anyone, as I feel that you need someone to chat to that is either currently in this situation, battling to overcome it or have constant relapses. It's important that we realize, we are all striving towards happiness and the saying "every man or women for themselves" need to stop, we are all here to strive for greatness and to leave a legacy behind with great respect, admiration, and dignity.

PS: I will do another post to chat about how to control urges that lead to addiction..as well as how you can overcome your addiction, yet use it in moderation (such as alcohol - for example)