Why I Shy Away from Size and Weight as Goals
I just fit into a pair of size 6 shorts and I'm really excited, but not for the reason you expect.
Size is just a number. Weight is just a number. I live with disordered eating and I generally try to stay off the scale. I generally only step on it once a month to hold myself accountable to eating. If I've been over- or undereating, my weight will be up. Funny how that works. So fitting into a size 6 has very little to do with it being a size 6 (U.S.). I'm excited to be rocking my new shorts because I was told I would never be able to fit in a 6 again.
It was something said in passing by a friend when I mentioned I don't set size goals, but the best I ever remembered feeling was when I was around a 6. She told me I could aim for an 8, but a 6 was unachievable. The reasoning was that I'd had kids and my hips are wider now. I felt a little sad, but mostly tried to brush the statement off as a reflection of the friend's own body insecurity.
I never committed to a number or size when I started my health journey. I committed to strength, fitness and feeling goals. Within those I had a ballpark weight. One I knew made my knees not hurt. But even now, even counting macros to control my eating, I keep away from scales. Retaining water can put me up five pounds. Gaining muscle can put me up 5 pounds because of muscle mass and water retention. The last time I checked my weight, I was over 5 lbs of my happy place, which meant I was up 8 lbs total. It was a bit of a shock which makes sliding into smaller clothes even more shocking.
I'm not trying to be obnoxious or brag. I'm talking about this because this 6 doesn't look like the 6 I imagined. It feels good, but I'm older and have sustained many injuries. It wasn't sought after. It wasn't even really desired. But it is welcome, and not because it is indicative of my stature. I'm a smaller size at a heavier weight. That's proof that muscle gains are happening.
What I am saying is, 6 was not my goal, but the gains it proves are.
But, Shawna, what if you bounce back up into an 8 or 10?
You know what? I might. Most likely I will drop another size first because I still have a high percentage of body fat. That will feel really weird for me. But then I will be more aggressive on increasing my muscle mass and will gain size again. The key here is how my body feels, not how my body looks. And that's pretty revolutionary for this mama.
What are your healthy body goals?
Update on this throwback post: I'm now most comfortable in an 8 due to another increase in muscle mass.