It's a horrible way to live life. At one time I was taking 5 meds. 2 for depression, 1 for seizures caused by the antidepressants, 1 for anxiety, and 1 so called mood stabilizer.
I was a walking zombie, a drooling, convulsing, irritable, nervous, unpredictable, manic, impulsive, zombie.
Several times the police found me walking the streets late at night near comatose not even knowing my name babbling about meds. The crazy thing is there was me inside the chemical fog recording it all in detail but I'll be damned if I could say my name at the time. I didn't know who I was, what I was doing, or why.
I remember the last time I tried to kill myself and ended up in the ER overhearing them checking on a bed to admit me back into the psyche ward.
NO! I said to myself jerking the IV out of my arm and running out the fire exit with no shoes, shorts, hospital gown, into the 45 degree pouring rain. I told myself then Never again.
It took nearly a month for body to rid itself of all the chemicals another month to gain strength and motivation to find work.
No! I'll never go back on medication like that ever again. Near 10 years has passed now and I can happily say I found my - self and the last 8 moths or so I've realized I smile and laugh a lot. Oh shit. I think I might be happy.

You are loved much and not alone in your walk, remember that.