Words Belong To The World Of Symbols #RedIsNotRedBlueIsNotBlue

''Words can inspire.
And words can destroy.
Choose yours well.'' -Robin Sharma

What a double-edge sword the human language is.
Not only does it play as the background track in our minds, but it serves us to communicate with others as well.
With words we can create miracles, just like we can destroy them in an instant.
Everything can change in a flash.
We can use words to love, to help, to play, to educate, to inform, to praise.
Or we can use words to lie, to cheat, to manipulate, to betray, to label, to judge, to hurt.

How do we use words?
Do we consciously use them as a choice, or as a reaction?
Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of the four agreements, phrased it so beautifully. (pay attention to the words in red print)

If speaking is the most powerful instrument a man can possess, why aren't we more cautious of the way we choose to use it?
We all have a different emotional heritage and ways to connect with others, but it is essential to be self-aware of it, and especially of our personal shortcomings. Otherwise, we will keep on repeating the same old/ too familiar patterns.

Most types of couple therapies focus on just that: Human Interactions.
To give you an example, the main goal of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which is a form of therapy which was developed by Sue Johnson, is to restructure the negative cycle of interactions the couple has been stuck with.
How do you make individuals turn toward each other instead of against one another?
By changing the words they use to talk to each other.
Such a simple answer, yet its proper application isn't that simple.

The ''confirmation bias'' is a term used to describe the human tendency to only collect and interpret information which confirms our preexisting beliefs.
Here is a cool (or not so cool🙊-it all depends) example taken from the book ''Decisive: How to make better choices in life and work'' -Chip Heath&Dan Heat:

''Smokers in the 1960s, back when the medical research on the harms of smoking was less clear, were more likely to express interest in reading an article headlined ''Smoking does not lead to lung cancer'' than one with the headline ''Smoking leads to lung cancer''.

And so, you get the idea that the more we make ourselves believe that what we think is right, the more info we will keep on finding to confirm what we think.
I was giving the example of romantic relationships, because they represent the highest form of emotional connection.
Nevertheless, the more we make ourselves believe that our partner is ''self-centered'', the more examples we will find to confirm and justify our theory.
Just like thoughts that often get repeated reinforces the circuits in our brain, the more we interact negatively with our spouse, the more disconnected we will become with each other.
If you use anger to fight anger, chances are, you will run around in circles (angrier).

As Allan Watts has said it himself: ''Red is not Red. Blue is not Blue.''
Or as Eckhart Tolle has expressed it: ''Deny Thyself: Recognize the unreality of that self.''
Words are merely concepts that have been created so we can communicate with each other.
It's not that much of an awful thing to lose our cool from time to time.
I believe the essential is that we do not lose sight of an empathetic perspective.
That would result in a bigger loss.
An important thing to keep in mind is that we see what we wish to see.
There is a difference between the surface from which we view external events and people, and the way these things really are.
Sometimes (only sometimes though🙊.... the attributes we dislike about others, we possess ourselves, but we won't admit it).

How often do we ask ourselves if we'd enjoy our own company, if we were someone else?
Very insightful question to keep in mind daily... ✨

I read a book a year ago that was called how to become optimistic. (I clearly needed a bit of help to unstuck myself from my negativity bubble 🙉)
It's funny because I remember that there was an exercise in the book which consisted in identifying the sentences that were objective truths.
It ended up being a difficult exercise, because since on a daily basis we become so used to seeing everything from a personal viewpoint, we almost tend to forget that they are not. (#autopilot✈)

Some people take criticism in a positive way, to better themselves, their work, their relationship.
They thank the person for giving them an extra reason to work on their weaknesses.
They see an occasion to get closer to becoming the best version of themselves.
Others take criticism and throw it back to the person who has afflicted it to them.

Which Team are you on? ✪ 💫