Bad boys and other lies

"What I love about Bad Boys is the mystery"

Girls seem to love the idea of the bad boy, the rebel without a cause, the untamed and unpredictable man who is difficult to pin down. I think it is the romance of it, the association of spontaneity and the attraction of having to be the huntress, rather than the hunted. All of these things seem to come together to give an impression of, 'who knows where it will lead'.

An illusion. A cultural lie perpetuated by the self.

Most of my friends throughout life have been women, if I had to guess, I would put the ratio as 10:1 favoring the feminine. I have heard the arguments for chasing the bad boy many times, I have see the capture, the whirlwinds, the repetitive nature of the human psyche that keeps going back for more.

This repetition may be to the inherent challenge involved in trying to 'secure' a bad boy, to place him into a cage and take ownership, like the head of a lion mounted on the wall. The thrill of getting the impossible commitment. I have watched it play out many times over the last 25 years I have been paying attention.

I have questioned the behavior extensively too, curious as to why so many of my friends would choose the same path, many sticking to it for years on end, many still attempting to bag a bad boy. The reason I have wondered is about the conflict in the argument between what they desire and what they chase, and the smoke they use to justify their actions.

I have sat with friends as they cried over broken promises, I have heard "He said I was the only one" and "never again" over and over and over only to have the situation repeat a few months down the track. I have tried, as I so often do, to raise the questions and shine a light onto their misery, mostly to no avail as the pattern and the attraction of the bad boy illusion is too strong.

The problem is their foundational reasoning, the idea of the mystery they use for justification of action is a fallacy. There is no mystery in a known destination, no matter the winding route to get there. And, the destination is known, the bad boy inevitably leads to the same position - heartbreak and tears.

The mystery is in the unknown, the beginning that has no foreseeable end. When it comes to a partner, it is the person which is a continual question mark and this is rarely the bad boy. This is the nice guy, the one who a woman never knows if he is the one, but so often sweeps away feet and steals the heart when it was never on offer.

Mysteries lay in unmet expectations, when answers unasked arrive, new questions raised. It is from here where the love of a life is built, where passion truly springs. It is from this point where a journey of unknowable length stretches out into eternity.

Yet, so many women are caught in an emotional loop. A roller coaster ride always begins and ends at the same point. The trouble is that so many are chasing a bad boy, when what they may actually desire - is a good man.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

After writing about rebellion, this post is an edit from about two years ago and came to mind for the second time this week, so I will take it as a sign that it can once again be read rather than lay dormant on the blockchain. I have never been the bad boy, but don't tell my wife as she might stop chasing ;)