Fake it until I make it

I have been trying so hard to not let something bother me, yet it continues to add up. My heart pushes the thoughts back and potentially buries them, while my ego of a brain keeps grabbing them and dancing them in my face.
How to just breathe through it and rise above is beyond me sometimes.
Might I mention, it's Saturday morning. This is technically my day off from my regular job, I should be resting. I have been up since 4:30 and out of bed since 5. I really tried to go back to sleep but I can't.
CRPS can take over a person's life, if they let it. I have fought with myself 24/7 for almost 2 years to not let it.
February 21 marks the 2 year anniversary of the last time I was able to use my dominant arm and hand normally and I have a feeling my brain is having a hard time adjusting and finding the positives in the milestone.
I miss my right arm. It was just learning keyboard finally and I started drawing the year prior. I was just starting to get good with my talents from practice and broke my arm, developing CRPS from it. I had just finished my first portrait the week before breaking my arm. I tried to fix his nose with my cast on:

Not bad for my first attempt I think.
I miss that freedom to create and be curious of life and my abilities. To their fullest extents.
But even typing out blog entries can take me hours from taking breaks for my body to rest. How the hell can typing hurt someone? At 31 years old I should mention.
Seems unfair to me.
So I paint a happy face on and try to never complain verbally about the fire and pulled elastics snapping under my skin. Not just in my right arm either.
Remember that silly song when we were kids? "The arm bones connected to the neck bone. The neck bones connected to the back bone. The back bones connected to the hip bone" etc or however it goes.
I strongly detest that song now because it is SO true. Anatomically, my version is probably off a bit but I have had no sleep.
My every bones cracks, pops and throbs to their own beats. My muscles detest me and are shriveling up on my right, my tendons are those elastics snapping. My blood is all I got good in my body.
And on that positive moment of cranial flatulence, my blood type is O positive, so I really can help everyone.
I paint this happy face on because I have to.
I have to push through and live life with this shit body and positive blood. There's no option in that.
My option is to take this challenge like a stallion or let it cripple my mind like it is my body.
Some days are bad. Really bad. I feel the reality my body has put me into. Financially, personally, mentally and physically. It hurts and is very very sad in all aspects.
But I have to get back up and brush myself off.
For me personally, the concept of energy has really helped keep my sanity in perspective. If I'm gonna give into my negative thoughts, I'm going to have a negative day. "I am the thought that is aware of the thought" and I need to have a good day. So I create positive energy with my positive thoughts, hoping to have a positive day.
So when I have a happy face on and I seem ok, please be inspired to do the try the same with your negative situations. This pain takes over my life. Some forget that and think the pain is all in the patient's head (I physically look different when having a bad flare up, but normally it's just my hand that looks kinda funny.)
Reality is, I'm making up the happiness. I'm trying to fake it until I make it. Until I truly feel the happiness and gratitude from my toes to my nose. The day will come, I can feel it. Practice makes perfect, or at least close enough :)
Make today a good day. Be understanding of others and kind to everyone around you. We could all use a little extra positive energy in our days, spread it to others!
Be kind to your mind everyone.
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen