You are wearing too many masks

First of all, what kind of person do you want to be?

If I were to interview your friends, family, colleagues, and others, what words would you like them to describe you?

Kind, motivated, optimistic, steadfast, reliable, smart, strong, competent, unique, lively, Mr nice guy …

source

Because of my career, I often take some psychology courses, I once thought, the kind of person I want to be, is me. For example, I am optimistic, kind, progressive, sincere.

I thought it was always right to pursue these "positive energies."

Until one day, Danny took me to do a psychological exercise; I found that these words are not me, it’s just my "personality mask."

What is "personality mask"?
In other words, it is just a side of you or a role you play, it is not the real you, but it is the various roles you play in order to survive and adapt to the society for the love of your parents or other authority.

What is your personality mask in your life and your workplace?

Is it the one that studies hard since childhood, grow up to work actively, follow the rules, everyone like you “Mr nice guy?"

Or is it the one that rebellious, like to ignore their parents, grew up arguing with people, not to contend with, make interpersonal tension "Rebellious serious guy"?

source

Let’s take a look at a real-life example, and the story is slightly adapted.

30-year-old Jack is the head of a business department. If you only look at his appearance, round face, white skin, often has a silly smile, very friendly.

You will mistakenly think he is a college student, in fact, he is a child's father, but also the company's middle management staff.

He told me about his confusion. He said he was very good to his department's subordinates; everyone can work together very well. However, he always felt that as a boss, in front of everyone, he has no authoritative, and he felt that the staffs don’t really trust him, and also often feel tired. I said: "I think you are a very good-natured person, do you ever get angry with your subordinates? "

He smiled and said never.

I said, well, let's play a game of personality masks.

He smiled and nodded.

Finally, he gave his role in the workplace often, that is, his common personality mask, a name, called "Mr nice guy."

We have the following dialogues:

Me: "Mr. Nice guy,” what makes you proud?
Jack: Everybody likes me. My relatives, friends, also like me very much. I can get along with anyone. My subordinates also like me very much.
Me: So, what is your weakness?
Jack: I'm afraid of conflict, and when I do not agree with someone, I won’t say it out. I have my own idea, but I don't usually say it.
I pretended to be silly because I afraid other people's jealousy and exclusion.

Me: What is the benefit of such "Mr. nice guy" mask in your work?
Jack: Good popularity, won’t offend others.
Me: What are you most afraid of?
Jack: I'm afraid everyone will ignore me.
Me: Let's just drop the character and return to your true self. Do you know how this personality mask was created in childhood?

Jack: I know. I am the only child in my family. My parents were very busy when I was a child. I met a group of people in the Internet Café, in order to join them, let them accept me, take me together, I often smile silly, pretending to be cute, and without temper. When they smoke, I smoke, I do what they do. They think I get along well, have no tricks, so they play with me.
This habit was brought to the work, until now.

source

With this conversation, Jack suddenly realizes that the "Mr nice guy" persona has brought him a lot of benefits in the past. And now that the environment has changed, when he becomes a department manager, he needs some changes.

Maybe mixed with anger, dare to say his own ideas, so that his subordinates trust him more, understand him, and willing to follow him.

Like Jack, each of us has one or more common persona masks.
These masks have been worn for years, most of which are related to childhood experiences.

Many personality masks that we put on are to cater to others. Because we are afraid of losing their recognition and acceptance.
These masks protect our vulnerability and allow us to better integrate into this competitive society.

However, these masks are not equal to ourselves, but only a part of us. Sometimes, these masks make it impossible for us to maintain a genuine relationship with others.

Just like a person who is always basking in the energy of a friend, maybe he is a little bit down occasionally, which makes us feel that he is a real person.

So, remember:
A wise man will choose when to wear a mask and when to show his true self on different occasions.
An attractive person, when taking off the mask, will emit a different personality shine.

PREVIOUS RELATED POST

What is game to us?	I don't like my current job, but I don’t dare to resign
Life is not easy, try learn to forget	No one will know what you really want except yourself
What limits your imagination?	Tips to improve your workplace relationship