Stuff to get out of my chest | Stillness (is this an #ulog?)

^{Warning: If you haven't noticed so far, this is going to be a very personal text. That won't keep me away from the keyboard anymore, so you're on your own risk if you decide to continue reading.}

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^{First, I'd like to express my gratitude to those who have remained close, one way or another. I've struggled with the friendship concept for so long that I don't expect people to be there anymore. I also want to thank those who don't even know that their presence has been relieving to me. It feels crazy to have found interesting minds to feel related to, even though I don't know them personally, even when they are a who-knows-how-many-zillions miles away (yes, I've created a new measure of distance just for you, people).}

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^{Having said that, just so you don't think I'm an ungrateful person that does not appreciate the beautiful gifts of life, I can talk a bit about the not-so-good part of my everyday. I hope not to ramble too much.}

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You don't know how hard it is to stay focused when you can't even cover your meals properly. How am I supposed to keep track of my life goals, to work on them, to be constant, if I can't think about anything else but our empty stomachs and how hard the prolongued undernourishment is harming our bodies and our future? I mean ours, my family's and mine. I won't go deeper into this subject because it's really difficult to talk about it and I hate to sound like I'm begging for help. I'm not. I just want a normal life where me and my beloved ones are able to cover the basic needs of a human being. Is that too much to ask?

I think this is the time to mention that I don't tend to tell anyone when I'm feeling down, hurt, upset. The worse I fall and fail, the less I talk about it. I just hate to feel weak and vulnerable, so I go for the easier option and lock it all up behind the black courtains of my mind. Quoting a brilliant artist, @hiddenblade, this is pretty much hiding then bleeding. This isn't good, I know, I'm working on it, one step at a time.

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I'm not sure if feeling this much pressure everytime, dealing with the internal and external stressors, is normal for the human kind. I really hope it isn't so I can wish for a better and brigther days to come. I still picture myself in that pretty, cozy, full of love home in Canada, taking care of my family and being happy most of the time. Enjoying the "small" things as well as the great ones. This is the goal I don't publicly speak of and that I try to keep in mind so I don't vanish in the blackness that has been following me for years.

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A few hours ago, during a conversation with a friend, I realized that most of my pains come from an unrequited love. I mean the kind of love one can found in family, amity, parternship, dyad.

I guess I have to understand and learn how to funnel the love I bear so I don't get hurt this many times.

The last point indirectly leads me to talk about what I want to do here on this platform, and the way I want to contribute. I have found exceptional members that are undergoing similar troubles (without downplaying anyone's struggles and battles), and I think I can help them while fixing my issues. As a curator under mentorship for the Curie project, one of the criteria I will never change is to see the author as a whole, as a person with a talent, as someone with great potential who might need encourangement, support, love, beyond the juicy upvote that would definitely make them smile.

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^{Well, that's it for now, I'm feeling tired and somehow subdued, so I better leave it here. I said what I wanted to say. This is just the tip of the iceberg but it's all I can do for now. If you got to this point, I hope it wasn't boring and that you had no expectations of what you might read, because I'm sure I didn't fulfill them and that wasn't what I was seeking today, either way.}

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^{I added some free use images, as well as a few of my own, to make the reading more bearable, I think. Also, I want to state that I'm not a native english speaker, so please don't make fun of my writing, correct me if you find anything wrong. I'm still learning how to communicate my thoughts efficiently. Thank you for taking the time to connect with me.}