In the Life: Domestic Violence Survivor Story Part 4

Who knew that he would leave me alone in the cold. I couldn't leave. I was stuck. No one knew where I was. I was in a place no one could think of. That night was the longest and coldest nights of my life. I remember how dark and dreary that place was.

After many attempts, I finally broke the words to him. I was done! "What could he do? It's my choice and my decision." At least I thought that was what he couldn't do. But I then forgot the impossible things that he could also do.

Anger and torture with him was never ending. The relationship seemed like it was going down deeper into the core of the earth where fire was. I soon realized that the more I advocated for myself and fought for my thoughts and decisions, I would see hell.

As soon as he noticed how serious I was with the break up, he was at my door demanding for me to come out for him to talk to him and to "talk it out". He promised he would just talk nicely. He promised he wouldn't get angry; that it would just be a talk to understand me better.

At the time, I didn't think, "What more is there to talk about? It's obvious why the break up happened. There is nothing else to explain to understand." As soon as I stepped out my doors, I only remembered being outside at his place, in the cold night. The dark night where no one would be able to see or hear what was happening.

His home was a good 20 minute walk from mine. I remember being outside as he yells at me and about how stupid I was as all I could think about was how am I going to get out of this. He ignored all the things in which I said to him many times. My feelings and thoughts were meaningless. I stopped answering him knowing he wouldn't listen. But the more silent I am, the more he yelled and the more he demanded answers. The more I spoke about my truth and rights, the more he was willing to pull out his hand for a hit. I was clueless at what to do. I should've never stepped out my door no matter how much he begged and listening to his lies.

This time, I didn't hold in my crying sound as usual. I cried as he continued yelling. Instead of comforting me, he was only worried about how my crying will lead to someone hearing me cry and that they will be suspicious. He didn't want anyone to know. So he purposely comforted me just so I can be extra quiet from my crying noise. As he spoke loudly about why I wanted to break up with him and accusing and assuming that the reason being was because I cheated on him (which was never the case), I stared down the ground and up towards the end of his neighborhood block in the direction of my home. Oh how I so wished to be out of his neighborhood where many horrible memories were built and how scary that street of his was.

Then I would wake back up to the reality that he was still yelling out the same words as before and my answer was still the same. And because my answer was still the same by defending myself and sticking to breaking up, I couldn't leave until he heard the words, "I'm sorry and let's make up to get back together. I was wrong." That was what he wanted to hear but I refused simply because it was not what I wanted.

The more I refused, the more I was trapped outside in the silent night. I hope that someone would hear his loudness and come to my rescue. Many times, I wished I was in luck and that someone would just take me away. I wanted to be saved. And again, nothing. I was stuck and realized he was still yelling. I keep coming back to the reality that he didn't stop even though I would drift off in thought to something else.

He demanded that I stay with him until I say "sorry". For as long as I can refuse to say sorry to something I didn't do wrong, it was midnight. And by then, I was not scare to still go home in the dark. A young girl walking home in the dark, I was fearless as long as I made it home. Then again, I realized I was still in his dreadful zone. He pulled me into his parents farm pick up truck and in the back truck was a rest space. He sneaked his parents truck keys to open the truck for me to stay in and left me in there until I gave in.

As he went back inside to sneak the truck keys from his parents, I attempted to leave as I was finally left outside alone in the dark and although I tried, I failed. He threw my shoes off into the street as if that was going to stop me from running away from his madness. I was fearless. I was going to walk home barefoot and that no matter what I needed to escape from him. I didn't care if I didn't have any shoes on. So I attempted the second time and was tied down as he chased after me. I couldn't make it pass his neighborhood block. Oh how I wanted to see the other side of the block so badly. It was dark, and still no one heard my cries as I tried to escape and run.

As he locked me in the backseat of the truck, all I could question about was what did I do wrong to deserve this. I looked out to the door knob wishing I had magical powers to be invisible and disappear so no one would know. Soon after, he came back and stayed with me awaiting to hear the right words to come out from my mouth. But I refused. He began to cry knowing that this time around I was really serious about leaving him. He mentioned of his love for me and made me feel bad for him. That whole night he cried and I stayed silent. I couldn't find anymore tears to cry for him. I lied and told him that I will think about getting back with him again and let him know. I watched him cry himself to sleep as we both stayed in that truck through the night. I stared to the truck keys he held and attempted to get it to leave. But my courage was weak. It was a long night and I found myself knocked out as well.

It was early in the morning when he woke me up to say we have to go before his parents sees that their truck keys were gone. He finally let me out of the truck and I walked home in one of his shoes he offered.

It wasn't long until that same morning he called to see what my decision was; I didn't even think twice about getting back with him. Deep down inside my heard was a definite no. But my lips spoke saying, another chance. I then saw another horror this time around.