Not as Good as You Think

Gina, a girl who is always cheerful. her mannerisms, her gentle manner, always warm to everyone, and have a sweet smile. I know him because he's my classmate. Her hospitality makes everyone love her, including me. I always pay attention to him while in class, he is really an active girl diligent and intelligent.

And it's not that I'm too lonely, like he likes me, in fact everyone in the class knows it too. Me myself, I do not think it's a good person, not a person who deserves to be liked. Although not a few people who call me have a handsome face. Contrary to Gina, I'm a cold person, seldom smiling and just talking as necessary. But I was considered a good person by my classmates, because first time at 10th grade I never beat a class brother who always oppress and apply arbitrarily to new students. So I am quite respected by the other sister class and considered a hero by my classmates. Actually I'm not that good.

Gina's problem, she likes me probably because she feels owed me. By the 10th grade, I once donated my blood which happened to be the same class as Gina's when Gina was in a coma at the hospital. finally Gina can avoid death and healthy until now, coincidentally at that time his parents are carrying out Umroh.

No exception, even to Gina I was cold, even though I actually liked her. Gina is like a fool who continues to feel indebted to me when I never think about it anymore. He is always warm to me and I'm cold to him, often talks to me and I just keep quiet and even invite me to watch and I refuse. gin, I do not deserve to be treated like that. Male friends really regret my bad response to Gina, but Gina is still good.

Today as usual Gina looks very cheerful, I look at her from where I sit .. she looked at me smiling and greeted me, "Zola!", I then looked away without a reply greeting him. The distance between my chair and Gina was not too close, practically from one end to the other. During the lesson, Gina was really active as usual, doing the questions up front during Maths lesson and willing to read poetry during Indonesian lesson. After school he offered me a meal together, but as usual I refused and went straight from his face. "Okay anytime", said Gina with a smile. Maybe I've upset him, but that's what I should do to keep people as good as Gina out of my life.

Everyday at school, I feel happy to see Gina's sweet smile. until that day ...
I was really sleepy because all night I was looking for money, when I went to class I was surprised Gina was not there yet, beyond Gina's habit that usually existed when I entered class. I felt anxious about something happening to her, and I missed her warm little greeting.

Gina was not there until the homeroom came in, the homeroom announced that Gina was being hit by a disaster, last night her father became a murder victim. I became more and more anxious and felt I had done the wrong thing. Gina must be saddened by what happened to her father.

The next day and up to a week after the incident that happened to his father, Gina has never been seen again. he has not started school yet, I know he is devastated. I deliberately do not want to know any news about him from others, even though I miss his smile so much.

Until finally, when I got to class I could see Gina again. I approached her and said my condolences, Gina, who was sitting smiling thinly, stood up and hugged me. "Thanks Zola", he said.
"I yes it is the same", reply shocked.

I see that day he is not as warm as he used to be, he looks moody and rarely speaks. I'm worried about her.
after school I plan to take him for a walk to the park, just to cheer him up.
I wait until the atmosphere is really quiet,
"gin follow me yuk!", Invite me.
"Where?", Asked gina with a little smile, maybe at this time only I can make Gina smile even if only slightly. no, not me, his reply to me that made him smile at me.
"Let's go along!", I invite, then hold his hand.
"Yes", Gina said shortly.

In Taman Gina shed his sadness by telling me a lot, I was a good listener then. when Gina showed her father's picture, I was surprised to see as he had seen his father's face.
"Thank you yes Zola has taken me for a walk to the Park", she said with a happy expression.
"Yes equally, do not be sad anymore", I said.
I'm glad I can make it cheerful again.

In the days that followed, Gina returned to her normal life. Back warm, cheerful again, I thanked him. But I felt very disappointed in myself, I began to realize that I was the cause of all the grief that Gina experienced. Maybe I really have to disappear from his life, maybe I should die to pay for all the grief that Gina has experienced.

At rest, Gina approached me. in the class there is only us both. I hate class atmosphere now.
"Zola, we go to the cafeteria yuk !, this time you should not refuse and have to want", said Gina sweet, smile on her lips made me hard to resist. but now I realize it, really realize it.
"Gin, you do not need to be this good to me, I do not deserve to be treated like this", I snapped at him, crushed my heart at his suddenly wistful face.
"But you're good, I like you", Gina smiled again.
"Never gin, you do not need to feel have the gratitude because I had helped you !, I know you pretending to like me because I feel I have a debt right ?, never mind I never think about it again", I said in a high tone, I'm sorry gin, I really should do it.
"But I really like you not for repayment, I like you because I know you're a good person", he said again showing a sweet smile. her tears slowly flowing. I feel the most evil person for making gina shed tears.
"I'm not a good person, you do not know a thing about me. you should like someone who deserves to be liked, "I said as I stood up and left him. My soul is crushed, I'm sorry gin, I'm a bad person.
Gina was stunned after many times I snapped, she was very sad. my sense of resilience in myself is mounting.

I left school and headed to somewhere. Gin, maybe it was the last time we met, once you found out about me, you would hate me forever.

I speed up my bike, I want to surrender to the police station. I have killed his father Gina, I am a motorcycle, I'm not as good as the People think, I'm not as good as Gina thinks. dozens of people have been victims of my action, dozens of motorcycle have been sold to get the coffers of rupiah. Until finally, I have taken away the happiness of someone I love. I'm really disappointed in myself, I'm ready to be put to death to pay for all my mistakes. Gina, your smile that has been able to awaken me about all the mistakes I've done. You are the person I've always loved.

Arriving at the police station, I was immediately secured by some policemen, maybe they already know about the begal that had been made restless.
Gin, I know after this you will never forgive me. because I am an evil begal, who has taken away the happiness of the people. I hope you will not be sad again, though I also know my life is worth nothing to restore your happiness. I regret gin ...

Finished