If You're Not Happy Making $50k/Year, Then You'll Never be Happy

I wanted to share a story about money and the perception of wealth.

One of my good friends in middle school — I’ll call him J— came from a poor family and lived in a trailer park with his mother. His parents had divorced at an early age (I later found out his father was abusive).

I’d often go over to his place after school. Dinner most nights would consist of Taco Bell and the only time he would spend money on entertainment was for the $1 movie theater. Otherwise it would be skate boarding and riding our bikes around town.

Through knowing him it was the first occasion in my life where I came to understand the terms “child-support” and “food stamps.”

At that time we were just kids and having fun, so I didn’t put too much thought into the large discrepancy between his circumstances and a lot of my other friends, who all lived in nicer houses with pools and big TVs. I’d hang out with them too, of course. But in my eyes we were all just friends that lived in different places.

One day I remember distinctly thinking, “J. lives in this shitty place and doesn’t eat well, never met his dad, and doesn’t have any money. But I’ve never heard him complain. Not even once. In fact, he’s one of the nicest guys I know.”
He really was one of the nicest guys I knew.

Later when we got into high school, a lot of the rich kids around me were clearly bored. They started skipping classes, doing drugs and racing cars. They had their parent’s money and were bored out of their minds. I lived in southern Arizona so maybe you can’t blame them.

My friend J, on the other hand, was too busy trying to make ends meet. He was a hustler.

He was already working two jobs as a waiter and car mechanic. He’d have a few beers on Friday’s but he didn’t have the time or money for much else.

He could’ve gotten caught up with the wrong crowd, but he didn’t. There’s some luck there. But he stayed relentlessly focused. Mainly it’s because he wanted to support his mom and cousins.

His dream was to open a small car shop modifying sports cars. A legitimate business that he wanted to pass on to his kids.
He eventually paid himself through community college, worked a couple of more odd jobs...and he started the car shop. It took him a while, but he did it. He’s doing what he wants to do.

And despite all of the crap he’s been through, I never heard him complain once. At least not to me.

J’s character was of course formed by a myriad of social factors and influences that I can’t totally account for.

When you’re coming from the bottom of the ladder, you have to learn how to navigate the world. You build work ethic. You have to learn how to build trust. You need the support of the community.

According to one study, the less money you have the more empathetic you are. A key finding from the research paper:

“Lower-class individuals have to respond chronically to a number of vulnerabilities and social threats. You really need to depend on others so they will tell you if a social threat or opportunity is coming and that makes you more perceptive of emotions.”

Wait, so, does that mean the lower up the social ladder, the less empathetic you are?

Of course not. We’re all different. And of course some of the wealthiest people dedicate their lives to helping others, donating billions to philanthropic causes.

A higher salary or net worth only becomes a problem when you attach your value and self-worth to it.

The typical logic is if your salary goes up, that must mean you are more valuable to the company and consequently somehow more “important.”

This line of thinking is not intentional, but we can’t help it. It’s just our ego that’s talking. Our systems and organizations were designed to push our buttons for social approval and create hierarchies. Rather, hierarchies formed naturally. There’s nothing wrong with hierarchy -- in fact, it’s very important.

But when it comes to money, remaining humble can be difficult for people. When this happens, ego runs amuck, power corrupts, and enough is never enough.

What happens when your salary suddenly goes down? Or you lose money in the stock market? Do you lose your sense of self worth? Or what happens if your salary goes up and then plateaus, does it make you feel like you’ve stopped growing?

Or what if you 10x your salary, but you haven’t figured out your own personal problems? Does the money do anything to fix those problems. Sure, it will help in some ways.

Ultimately, though, the money isn’t going to drastically change your values. It only amplifies what’s already inside of you.

If you are an impulsive spender and drinker, then expect those things to come out with more money.

If you love to build things, you’ll probably spend more money on building stuff. If you love to give things to people, expect that you will probably give even more with money. And so on and so forth.

The simple moral of the story is — take time to figure out your own things first — your values, goals, and principles. This will make your increase in salary a plus, but not defining factor of your life.

Indeed, having more money is not going to make you a better or worse person. It won't necessarily make you happier.

If you can’t live happily on $50,000 a year (as most of the world does), it’s unlikely you’re going to be happy at $100k, $500k or $1 million a year.