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RE: The morgenseiten of Katharsisdrill 20 - boxes
I'm still undecided though, if too much realism isn't the same as too much idealization of the past.
Not sure I understand this... you will have to find time to explain :)
I am very thankful for you, and I think you should be too ;)
I'm pretty much convinced, that our thoughts become reality over time. So, when you say, that you realized, that you were "lousy at making money, [..] lousy at networking, [..] lousy at reaching people through [your] art", that might be true for a certain point of (historic) view. It might even help to accept your own reality at a certain point, but on the other hand it might hold you back from change.
I really can't say, that you're bad at networking, when I see how we were able to connect and you did the same with @vcelier and @roused and also a bunch of other people. I think, your quite successful regarding your rewards and reach. So I don't see any reason to consider yourself being "a failure".
When I think, that I made some extraordinary good art in the past and I'm not able to live up to that, I also create a reality, that holds me back from change. Instead of letting the past be what it is and accepting the present as a new chance, with new rules and new points of view, I might break over that idealization of the past.
While looking for my next #waybackmusicchallenge song, I coincidentally came across this amazing song by "Einstürzende Neubauten - Was ist":
I found the lyrics quite appropiate:
"What is, that is
what is not, that is possible."
Complete lyrics in German
OK, that makes sense.
I think that what you say is partly true. I also think that you can say some truths that are separate from your inner perspective.
There is no doubt that you can hold yourself back - It is actually simple. If you say to yourself: I can't understand numbers, you will never learn math because you will stop trying. So if the way you view things stop you, it will definitely be limiting. If you see it as FATE!
I am obviously good at talking to people (not an uncommon trait), but I am lousy to talk to the important people, the ones that will further your career etc. One of my very close friends once said (paraphrasing): "You talk about art to people and that is why you never get anywhere in the artworld." I did try to change myself in that and other similar regards, and I was not able to.
When I talk about failure, it is therefore not necessarily artistic failure I mean; as I have said before I think that it is almost impossible to know, and also a bit futile to try to evaluate. You will never become any other, and might as well stop worrying. But you can (by simple comparison with other people) see if you are a career failure, a business failure etc. It is about easily comparable numbers - Steemit rewards for example :) The whole Katharsisdrill oeuvre is therefore a kind of navigation in my life. I do have my doubts about what I have been creating all these years and I do get weary of my own work. I do not posses this feeling of spirituality that Roused have, but I know beauty. So when I use the word failure it is in this double meaning: that I doubt my career accomplishments (which is rather straight forwardly true), and that I doubt my art.
But important to remember is that you know my art mainly from the failed project - the Katharsisdrill project. I haven't stopped making art and I am not bitter at all. I just have been going into this as a room of freedom: if there is anything valuable in my art it is not for me to realise, and I just do what i find interesting and funny. I think this is exactly what you write about when you saying idealization of the past keeps might break you. Don't let it!
This is my inner dialogue!
And thanks for the music :)
Thanks for your detailed comment. I'm kind of out of my way today (maybe because of the heat and the third sleepless night in a row). But I'll think about your words and answer you later.