holding in my life

extreme poverty. well poverty in so much that I don't have a car and this is effecting what jobs I can get because the bus system does not run to certain places. also the two hour trip to work because of having to use the bus (it would be about 20 minutes if I had a car) is causing me so much stress that every day I entertain the idea of killing myself.

even IF I had a car I would not be able to drive it because I never got a drivers license and I have no one to train me even if I wanted to get one. I grew up in a family who never had and still does not have a car. all my 'friends' are too busy with their own lives to train me to drive.

There are no government programs in my area to give me drivers training.

I am stuck in a job that sucks massive donkie nuts not because of lack of education but because all the good factory jobs are too far from home and even the shitty job I have is so far that it takes me two hours to get to work and two hours to get home so I have no time to relax unless I don't want a full nights sleep. I go to work, come home and sleep, no time to even cook food really. I just buy microwave food because it's quicker. the only time I get good meals is on the weekend when I have time.

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