Why the Fuck Should I Watch: SHAZAM! (2019)?
Why the fuck should you watch “Shazam!"?
• The favourite part of a movie “Ant-Man” was the part when that guy turned himself big and small.
• You have wondered what would a boy do when he suddenly acquires an adult's body - explore the new…equipment (muscles), or ask people shoot him to the head?
• You enjoy your movies with a lot of cheesiness, goofyness and camp, which are all very intentional but extremely forgettable.
• You would like to know what kind of movie would Deadpool be if it would have been made for 11-13 year olds.
• Safe-words are for the weak, you are into magic words instead.
So, apparently there is one more superhero, who haven't had enough screen time in today's oversaturated superhero movie business. Once he was called Captain Marvel, but after some copyright shit back in the day he turned into Shazam, which sounds like something your goofy father said, while trying to entertain 1 year old you when your mother went out for shopping for way too long. And now amidst the overcrowded superhero movie season Shazam appears magically in our movie theatre’ screens.
In short, Shazam (Zachary Levi) is an orphan teenage boy called Billy (Asher Angel), who is seeking her biological mother. After dealing with some bureaucracy that puts him into a new foster home, he meets a hobo lookin’ but massively powerful wizard, who turns him into a superhero, and basically does nothing else, because he was sitting in one place for too long and decided to die. The boy turns into a hero with a body and skills of a god, but a mind of a boy (that is basically every other ripped alpha male in his 20s-30s out there). And the story is about him exploring his new abilities with his nerdy and funny foster home roommate, while some adult villain, who was traumatized in his childhood, tries to kill him with the help of some demonic deadly sin characters. You’ll see clearly what happenes with you, if you don’t deal with your childhood issues. Time to go to the shrink!
Anyways, this is not the best superhero movie, it’s not the funniest, not the most creative, not the scariest, not for children entirely, and it has not the best CGI. BUT it’s not a bad movie, it definitely has it’s entertaining moments. How can a movie, that does not have so many things, be OK? Well, difficult to explain, I guess you have to see yourself.
Why the fuck you shouldn’t watch "Shazam!"?
• You think that superhero movies should be about death, pain, grandiose heroism, saving the world, and pain again. Also some soul-suffering would be great.
• You hate those bloody teenagers goofin around with their iphones and blocking the sidewalk.
• You got your “generic final fight” -needs fulfilled with the Justice League movie.
• You know how cars work and that they move faster than running boys. If that’s the case, you’ll in for a quite a plothole…
• DC, all we need at this point is Ben Afflek. Give him whatever he asks, and maybe there’s still hope! He’s not what you deserve, but what you need.
• You believe that DC’s Mother-theme had it’s peak in “Batman vs. Superman” and no DC movie after that should ever try to do anything with even slightly connected to that narrative. That was a untoppable masterpiece.