Last week I was on @pennsif's show, My Life in 8 Songs
He's been running his Musician's Special lately where he has musicians come on the show and share 8 of their own songs that mean the most to them.

@pennsif is an excellent host. I'm rather uncomfortable talking about myself, but his easy going and friendly disposition made it quite enjoyable!

Let me know if you want to be on the show or you can just contact @pennsif directly on Discord (Pennsif#9921).

3 musicians are on each show, each for a 1-hour time slot.
The show I was on also had @asonintrigue and the duo, @wolfnworbeikood / @fatherearth.

The show airs Thursdays 8pm - 11pm UTC on MSP-Waves Radio.

My Life in 8 Songs Show Audio

My Life in 8 Songs

The songs I chose basically represent the chronological story of my adult life thus far.

Mars

This is the first song I ever shared with anyone.
I'm still shy, but I used to be painfully shy.
I would hide in my attic creating music that I never allowed anyone to hear.
One day I had a friend come over to help troubleshoot some studio issues.
He basically said that he would only help me if I let him listen to one of my songs so I shared Mars.
He fell in love with it and decided to help me put an album together.
I will always be thankful to him for helping me to break out of my shell.

Mars is about someone I loved who let their life fall apart and ended up hurting me in the process.
The title comes from the saying:
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

You don't know what it is to be more than alive
You let things slip away but you don't see that you're to blame

Time and experience create wisdom and I now realize that I was just an unintended casualty of this person's personal pain.
They weren't intentionally trying to hurt me.
It wasn't about me.
I just got hurt in the process of their own self-destruction.
This experience has given me the realization and understanding that everyone goes through their own pain and trauma, and any resulting negative actions usually have nothing to do with anyone else.
It's helped me to become more empathetic and understanding over the years.
Someone who may come across as a monster is likely holding some deep pain inside.

In the Way

This is about my own destructive pain and the unintended consequences of hurting others as my own life began to fall apart and my identity started to unravel.

My mistake it might be found but I did it anyway
It's on my sleeve
It's like a shroud
But I wear it anyway

Let Me Down

Writing this was my way of coming to terms with a failing relationship and the pain of falling out of love.
It's basically a letter to the person I was with letting them know that we were both hurting each other and we needed to acknowledge our demise because we both deserved true happiness.

Falling out of love is the hardest part
I failed you trying to be someone that I know I'm not
I knew as I waited
We were fading
Cuz if you say that you're in love you should put me up above but you just knock me down
And if you say that you're in love you should keep me up above but you don't
You just knock me down

Descend

Chronologically, this is one of my earliest compositions which was originally recorded as a cinematic instrumental.
Years later I added lyrics and a melody.
It's still my favorite and most meaningful creation.

It's about the idea of not being in integrity with myself by burying pain deep inside and being in denial that a relationship was over.
You can try to keep pain hidden underneath and deny it but it will always eventually surface in harmful ways.
The crescendo and build up of the song symbolize the surfacing of what was once hidden.

On and on and on I left these feelings unresolved
On and on and on I kept believing but I can't repair this broken vow

There's another counter melody during the chorus. The lyrics are hidden at a low level in the mix to indicate feelings that I still wasn't ready to face.

Sorry I'm not there
I've been a stranger when you are around
Sorry I still care
But I've been deceiving you when you're not around

Kamera

This song was inspired by a story I once heard about Aborigines refusing to have their picture taken due to the belief that each picture steals a part of your soul.

If you take a picture of my soul stealing me in pieces that you hold, let me go
If you take these pieces of my soul, turn me into something that is whole, then let me go
Let me go
You can't have me

The song also deals with an abusive relationship I was in where the person was obsessive and controlling.

Out of Phase

This is about feeling lost and trying to find faith, trying to find spirituality, trying to find God.

Do you remember when we held on as your demons fought your God
Now inside of you maybe you don't feel anything
And maybe I've lost my way to you
Maybe it's over
Maybe tomorrow stay
And maybe I'll find a maze through to you
Maybe tomorrow but your signal is out of phase
And maybe I've lost my way

Slide

Guilt, shame, pain.
Written during perhaps the darkest period of my life.
So many mistakes.
I hurt so many people and I couldn't forgive myself.

Pray for me because I'm out of control
Pray for me because I'm so alone and I will atone

I can't deny my mistakes that are killing me
Hide from the truth I can't see
Slide as I lose control
Into the void, I can't deny

Save me
Pray for my soul
Underneath I was shattered and worn, tattered and torn
Pray for me
I was reckless and low and out of control
Pray for me because I will atone

Panacea

This is about losing a loved one and the idea of trading my life for theirs.
Sacrificing my own life so that they could live once again.

Now that you're gone
We still have to carry on
No, the world won't wait
And nobody cares
So I will make a pact with the one who is Red
To sell my soul and bring back the dead

My Panacea
A sacrifice so you can live another day
In memory of my love
This tragedy I'll reverse our lives by taking mine I will repay
In memory of my true love

Check out my music on Choon!