Goddammit, Tony.

Unless you've been off planet for the last week, you've probably heard about Anthony Bourdain committing suicide.

I'm not a sports follower or athlete worshiper. I won't watch “reality TV” or any awards shows and couldn't care less about celebrity. But I was jealous of Tony Bourdain's life. He was also one of the few celebrities I ever thought I would really care about meeting. In fact, I might have stood in line, in the rain or snow, to meet him, like a teenage girl wanting to see Elvis (or whoever is the modern day equivalent hip-shaker).

Tony's was a true American success story. He had failed in many things his entire life, been a drug addict and yet still rose to be an executive chef. In his mid 40's, at the behest of his mother, he sent in an article in to the New York Times on eating in restaurants, entilted: ”Don't Eat Before Reading This.” That was start of his meteoric ride to fame and fortune.

But I wasn't jealous of that. Well, mostly. I was more jealous of his traveling, meeting new and interesting people, eating all kinds of foods and having a good time doing it. Or at least he SEEMED like he was enjoying it.

The world is hard on smart and creative people. After all, creativity is the attempt to make things better than they are. But before one can do that, one must recognize the things that need improvement. That's why the more creative a person is, the more they are aware and sensitive to their surroundings and able to see the bad that is there. Sometimes that just soaks in too far. We may never know what was the last straw for Tony, but whatever it was, it probably had been soaking into his soul for a very long time.

I can't judge a person for taking their own life, as I personally believe that part of being free is having the choice to do what you want with your life. Even if that means ending it at your choice or whim.

But that doesn't mean we have to celebrate his choice. I'll never meet him now or ever have the chance to see if we might be friends. So, on that point, I'll hold a grudge.

Goodbye, Tony. Although I never had a chance to meet you or know you, somehow I feel like I did. Goddammit, I'll miss you.

If you haven't read his original article to the Times, you should. Here is a link:

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1999/04/19/dont-eat-before-reading-this

(Image Source: NPR.org)