The only parenting advice I have...
The only parenting advice I have that seems to work (sometimes) is to work on yourself. Be completely vulnerable and transparent with your fears, your insecurities, your concerns about the future, the judgements of others, and the times you lack the control you want. In the most challenging moments, talk through the emotions and pains you’re feeling and why. Share the expectations you have, why you have them, and why it hurts so much when they aren’t met.
Be silly. Be playful. Be creative. Rough house, pillow fight, jump on a trampoline, explore a park, find some wildlife. Be the things they want you to be and show them how you’re doing it as an act of selfless love for them. They learn through mirroring, not through us saying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Looking to improve ourselves with even more self-awareness, mindfulness training, education, and constructive action creates a model for them to appreciate. As they see the results of our change making their lives better, i think they are drawn to improving their own lives not because we told them so or because we threatened them with consequences, but because they are selfishly loving themselves, and it simply works best when we all try to create a world we all want to live in.
Parenting is one of the hardest things you can possibly do, especially in a culture which no longer has the help of a village to raise the kids. As parents we can feel isolated and unprepared, no matter how many books we read. It’s thankless, selfless, and a near perfect process for showing us just how inadequate we are, no matter how hard we try. It’s a great way to shape our character and strengthen our integrity. If we let it change ourselves to be better people, I think we’ll find ourselves with kids who are following along to improve themselves as well.
Hugs and encouragement to all the parents out there. You aren’t alone and yes, sometimes it really is that hard. You can do it. You can work on yourself and by doing so, help your kids see what an adult is supposed to be.
Just wow! Great words of sound advice on a tough topic that I often concern myself with. I try to approach it very similar by focusing on being genuine with my conversations.
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Does it work out well for you?
It has worked so far but I sometimes run into issues where the line between Parent and Friend are blurred... Struggle will likely come with those teenage years!
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Your thoughts are like my thoughts when it comes to children and my children turned out great! They will teach you a thing or two if you let them. Love is not enough.
Well that's encouraging to hear, thank you. :) I think love is enough if love is properly expressed as action. Those who say they "love" but don't have the actions backing the claim, well, they may be confused. I think the ideas represented here are a deep form of love. At least, that's what I tell myself.
I'm referring more to knowledge about the nature of children (and ourselves). You can love them but just because you really love them doesn't mean you will make the best decisions for them, from punishment to privilege there are things to understand how their little brains work and what is normal. I hate to say it but you sound like one of those parent's who have bothered to learn about children to a deeper level than most and get the big gift giving picture they give to us...you're too rare and it makes me sad. I think the average parent is selfish to a fault and they don't know it.
I can tell you work really hard at improving yourself and being a good parent. My kids constantly challenge me to the point of near breakage. It's the most difficult thing that anyone could do, if they're trying that is.
"...to the point of near breakage" is exactly right. Sometimes we do need to break (old habits, old patterns, old systems of thinking, etc) so we can rebuild ourselves new.
Your kids were all very well behaved when I ran into you. Keep up the good work, dad!
Hah! Well, that's nice to hear. You caught them on a good day. :)
Heheh, nah, they are pretty good for the most part. My wife has had a lot of drama at Wallmart lately, so she may disagree. Parents often only see the worst while others often only see the best.
I hear you there. Our son, who is in pre-k, can get a little aggressive and out of control sometimes. When we go to his parent teacher conferences they always seemed shock when we ask if he gets rough with other kids. They always say he is a perfect angel....not sure if they are trying to be nice or if he just acts up for us sometimes.
Great advice brotha. 🤘
Thanks man! Hope you're doing well.
That is a really great advice and I could not agree more. You are a very conscious parent and I'm looking up to you big time! Thank you brother!
It's a difficult job to get right, that's for sure. I just hope I screw up less than I get it right. :)
My advice is to keep your kids off media as long as you can and rigorously monitor it as long as you can after that. All kinds of sick crap is targeted at children these days and parents have NO IDEA what the kids are seeing.
That yt channel that seems so cute and harmless is putting all kinds of garbage into them with no filter unless you provide it. Watch whatever it is for a few hours at least.