RE: 'Soul' Mates Smack Us Awake to Change for the Better
Man... relationships overall are so devastated by mind control, it's probably the saddest part of all this - people are so desperately lonely. Not because they're not surrounded by people, but because those people don't really see them; there's no real connection. People must choose between being themselves or having a hobbled abomination of "connection" with others.
Everyone says they want honesty. Oh, is that right? Well, you've got to be able to handle honesty! You don't just get it because you want it; that's not how it works. If you're going to bite someone's head off and emotionally black mail them into jumping through your hoops, they're not going to be honest with you. They're going to defend against your aggression with deception. You don't even want true honesty, you want them to honestly be what you want them to be. Take my desired image of you and make it real.
"Relationship anarchy" is a perspective that tries to deal with these problems, but it's a huge challenge for all of us because of the cultural conditioning. Just think of how deplorably insecure and unloving you have to be to insist that your "partner" not express love and experience naturally-occurring connections with other people just so you can feel secure! My God, what have we become?!
Think of that common scenario whereby one person "steps out" and has sex with a person outside the relationship. After the initial shock, what's the first question asked? "So, do you love him/her?" Of course the desired answer is "No! I love you!" As if that makes it better! Oh, thank God you don't feel a loving connection with that person, you were just using them for physical gratification, thank God. It makes me want to spit.
Sorry, this is a bit tangential, but it breaks my heart to see how oppressed and limited this perverse mutation of "love" leaves people. Then we wonder why the world is f'd up.
Powerful. People have definitely twisted the sense of love, commitment and honesty lately.
I don't know that it's ever been where it needs to be in the modern world. I think we're leaving 90% of what's possible on the table. Imagine relationships without any feeling of self-consciousness from fear of judgment, without any feeling of obligation to live up to expectations. I'm talking about family, friendships, romantic, whatever.
Imagine undefined relationships that could just be whatever they are in the moment. People feeling free to be totally open with no defenses up. Letting go of needs, and just sharing what's there as long as it lasts. And when it doesn't last, not desperately grasping to hang on.
As usual, it all begins with individual growth; having the strength, self-worth and confidence to handle what would typically be deemed rejection or disappointment, but in a fully actualized being would just roll off their back with neutrality. Very tall order, given the current cultural paradigm.
Yes, relationships are built on what we don't say, it's a lot of fakeness. I've talked about that before :/ We fear losing our connection to others, so be aren't real, we aren't honest, and we talk about trite trivialities rather than deeper meaningful issues that can contradict people's false perception of the world or themselves.
Yes, pleasure gratification of stemming from lower consciousness unconscious desires overrides many people, where loyalty, faith and trust between two people matters less, because acting on carnal base lower desires runs their higher order consciousness, and not the other way around. We live in hedonistic society in many ways.
Utter degradation. It’s so common to be a bad person, that we call bad “good” as long as it’s to a “normal” degree. It seems extreme to say the average couple are bad people, but consider the following:
”Hey guys, I better get home or I’ll get an earfull. You know what they say - happy wife, happy life!”
This phrase makes me want to wretch. What’s being suggested is that giving in to emotional terrorism is the path to happiness! I mean, for the love of all that’s holy... I won’t belabor the point, but the average couple is engaged in continuous appeasement of insecuritues, bargaining, and emotional black mail. And we call it love.
Evil is nothing if not a perversion.
A man or women can be unhappy with the behavior of their SO, such as staying out too late. People can feel what they want. If you don't care about how they feel, then that's your problem. If you want to have a good relationship, you need to take into account how the other person feels. A happy partner makes a happy life indeed. Doing whatever you want doesn't tend to lead to that.
I agree that doing whatever you want doesn't lead to a happy partner in our current environment, though I don't see this as a reason to abide such dysfunction. A lot of people hung from the gallows for speaking truth; it doesn't mean they should have just went along to get along.
Considering that feelings are responses to thoughts, if the thoughts generating those feelings are misguided, then to "take into account how the other person feels" implies factoring in erroneous thinking into your decision-making process.
Now, there's a certain amount of patience and compassion one may choose to employ to facilitate another's learning process, but if the person stubbornly holds to false beliefs in the face of sound reason, I don't think it serves anyone - especially them - to enable their ignorance by acting in accordance with it.
The only reason why someone would be upset by what their significant other does (barring flagrant rights violations) is because they want control:
None of this has anything to do with love. It's all slavery, as unpopular as that may be to say. A true loving relationship would stretch the boundaries of the current cultural imagination. It would be all sharing, caring, and connection, and would demand absolutely nothing from the other person (again, outside of basic morality).
And not just because it's wrong to make such demands, but because there would be a genuine desire for the one you love to live in full expression of their true self.