PICTURES
She squinted at the screen. One hand gripped the phone and the other pulled incessantly on an almost bald spot on her scalp. The hand fell on the screen to increase its brightness then zoomed in on the lady. She stuck out like a sore thumb. Tomorrow, maybe, she’d get to meet the woman in the picture and tell her she needn’t feel so lonely anymore. She clasped the phone to her chest, radiation be damned, and closed her eyes.
She dreamt that she was in the picture with the woman, sitting in silence by her side as they simmered in the sun. Then her alarm went off but she barely stirred. The pit in her stomach kept her paralysed in the strange bed. She stared at the white ceiling and tried to steady her breath.
A ping brought her attention to a WhatsApp message on her phone.
I hope it won’t be too much to ask for a picture of her...
It’s rather too much to ask, don’t you think? After all that you’ve put... Her nails beat furiously into her screen as she typed her reply but stopped short when a new message replaced the previous one.
E, please talk to me. I am worried sick.
She read it again and put the phone away. Shifting her weight slightly, she stood from the bed and went to the bathroom.
An hour later, she stood in front of the motel where she had just spent the night and waited for the Uber. Part of her wished it would never arrive but just when she decided to cancel the ride, it eased into the parking spot right in front of her.
In another hour, she found herself standing in a quaint retirement home.
"Hello," she said to the nurse behind the receptionist’s desk. "I’d like to see Stacy Malone, please."
The nurse attacked the defenceless keyboard she had in front of her.
"Aah, hello?"
"Yes miss.” She stressed her s’. “How can I..." the nurse looked up at her briefly and went back to assaulting the keyboard.
“Need help with that?"
"I swear I just put the vitals- oh, here it is!” She beamed at her. "Darn computer always making me cranky. Anyway, you were saying?”
"Stacy Malone?”
"Yes, Miss Malone. Day room to your left." The nurse pointed to the narrow corridor on her right.
She approached slowly.
Grey heads were huddled together in the day room. She wondered which one among them could be Miss Malone. The picture was after all many years old. It was a stupid idea, anyway -- coming all this way to find for someone who did not want to be found.
She turned to walk away and saw one lady, sitting all by herself. Well, not quite. She was surrounded by other old people yet somehow it felt as though she wasn't and she was looking right back at her, shock written all over her face.
"Clara?" Miss Malone stood from her chair.
All the other people in the room turned to look at her.
"Clara!" She repeated with more certainty as she approached her.
Estelle was frozen, transfixed by how out-of-body the whole encounter felt.
"They named me Estelle." She finally said when Miss Malone got close enough.
Miss Malone stood head to head with her. Grey had replaced most of the black hair she had seen in the picture. Just like the grey, she carried all other markers of ageing with grace. She was almost beautiful and certainly strong.
“Oh?” Her face fell. “Come with me?" Miss Malone smiled slightly before leading Estelle to her room.
"Sit down." Miss Malone sat and patted the bed."So ah... what do you do for a living?"
"Uhm, I’m an accountant" Estelle settled at the far end of the bed and wrung her hands together. She hated small talk.
"Are you getting married?!" Miss Malone exclaimed excitedly, her hands hovering over Estelle’s ring finger before she placed it back on her lap.
Estelle fiddled with her diamond studded ring.
"No... no. I think that ship might have sailed by now." Estelle waited a beat. "So, why did you give me up?"
Miss Malone smiled.
"Straight shooter, huh? Very much like your dad."
"I’m nothing like him."
"Have you met him?"
"Yes."
"You were taken from me." Miss Malone said abruptly, looking down at her trembling hands.
Estelle moved closer and clasped Miss Malone’s hands in hers.
"I didn’t mean to upset you. I am sorry. It is just..." She let the thought slide.
"His family did."
"You mean... h-he let his family take me away from you?"
"He didn’t know at the time."
Estelle stood. She had heard enough of the excuses.
"He didn’t, child!"
That word...child. Estelle’s was unhinged. Directing a distraught gaze at her mother, she let out a frustrated gasp and burst out, "How? Explain it to me!"
Estelle, could not, for all the reasons in the world, understand why her mother would want to make excuses for such a person.
"Davis didn’t know."
"How is that possible?"
“When I found out about his wife I asked him to stay away...”
Estelle breathed sharply.
"You were just a moment of weakness and I was a mistake."
"Clara!" Miss Malone leaned on the bed, crouching as she breathed heavily.
"Am I wrong?” Estelle countered. She had come to comfort her mother but that wasn’t the case anymore.
Miss Malone sighed. "If only you’d let me explain."
Estelle rubbed her hands on her neck and stared down at her mother. She felt betrayed.
"Sit down for a moment, child."
She sat at the end of the bed.
"Davis was a research assistant at the university I attended and I was the starry-eyed freshman. We fell in love before he mustered courage to tell me he was married. He was forced into the marriage and was just trying to break free.”
“Break free?”
“Estelle, please.”
She sighed and allowed her mother to continue.
“He came from a family that wanted to control his life- the rich and entitled kind.” Miss Malone raised an eyebrow. "So he cut himself off from his family and decided to teach. But I know that he only wanted to proof himself... Proof that he didn’t need his father’s money to make it in life. But when his father died, he felt compelled to either take over his family's businesses or watch it die.”
Estelle scoffed.
“He chose the former. He blamed himself, you know?” Miss Malone continued, "Davis blamed himself for his father’s death but in truth, that guilt was only as a result of his mother’s manipulation.”
“I still don’t understand. He could have easily walked out of the sham marriage and made ends meet as a research assistant. He didn't have to go back.”
“No matter the circumstances behind the marriage he still had to fulfil his duty to her. He had wanted to break up the marriage on the grounds that it was never consummated in the first place but I could see how torn he was. On one end was family, duty, and his mother's manipulations and on the other end was me. An orphan, adopted by the church with no penny to my name. I made the choice easy for him. We went on a trip to New England with a couple of his friends and I told him I wasn’t going to see him anymore. I thought there was nothing tying him to me so... I let him go.”
Miss Malone suddenly stopped talking.
"You didn't know you were pregnant.” Tears stung Estelle’s eyes.
"I lost my church-sponsored scholarship.”
“What?” Estelle’s frown deepened.
“The church wasn't ready to fund an immoral fiend. I started working two jobs but that began to take its toll on me and my academics. Then David’s mother stepped into the picture. Her timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She came offering money in exchange for you and my silence. l thought I was being smart, asking that she keeps you until I was done with school in exchange for my silence. I asked that we signed a contract to that effect, thinking that my smarts could beat hers." Miss Malone laughed self deprecatingly. "I was heavily pregnant the day I was brought into her office to sign the contract. The contract I signed was to the agreement that I get you back when you were five. I signed at the back... one whole page dedicated to signatures. Hers and mine." She breathed shakily. "The woman tore the page right off and stapled it to another document. Burnt the other contract right in my face. In this new document, I had given you up for a closed adoption, sworn to never contact Davis and of course, never get a dime from her family."
"Is she still alive?" Murderous impulses ran amuck in Estelle’s head.
"No. It was her death that exposed her duplicity. Davis found out about you in some legal files handed over to him after her death."
"My adoption papers?"
"No, court stuff. Back at her office, the shock of what had happened caused me to go into labour preterm. I was taken to a private hospital... They wouldn’t even let me see you."Her voice cracked. "But I fought for you. I put all my savings into fighting that farce of a contract but Michelle and her lawyers… they did a great job portraying me as a needy gold digger. The contract was declared valid and I lost you. I think I lost my mind a little after that. Drugs and alcohol and..." She hung her head.
Estelle immediately went to her mother and hugged her, calming her as she spastic waves of sorrows shook her slight frame.
"You don’t have to say it, mum." Estelle wept with her.
"I p-prostituted myself." Miss Malone sputtered. "I had been trafficked and branded and broken by the time your dad found me... He had also found you by then b-but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t interrupt your perfect little life at thirteen and tell you that you had a crackhead for a mother." Her tears bathed Estelle’s neck. "I am so sorry, child. I am just so sorry."
"It wasn’t your fault."
Miss Malone broke from her hug to touch Estelle’s face who in turn wiped the tears from her mother's face.
"You know, I saw you grow till when you were about twenty-one. Davis always sent pictures but I asked him to stop when it got too hard for me to bear. You know something else, Davis helped me straighten up my life. I finished up that degree and worked as a librarian till I broke my hip a year ago. He made me check into a home, threatening in one of his letters to drag me here himself if I didn’t do so myself.”
"Isn’t he still married?"
"Yes, he is." Her voice lowered in sadness. "We are friends now.” A forced smile spread across her face.“We occasionally exchange texts to update each other about our lives."
"So he is having like an emotional affair with you?"
"You seem hell bent on disliking your father."
"Really?" It wasn't as if there was much to like.
Miss Malone touched ring on Estelle’s finger.
"What happened?"
"My father, he approached me a year ago and revealed his identity. For a long time since I had known I was adopted, I wanted to know my real parents. I figured they must have had a pretty good reason for giving me up and I wanted in on that information... but his explanation, it made me feel disgusted to have him for a father. He disappointed me on so many levels and I was hurt that at thirty-two he was now gathering the courage to come to me."
"Breaking my hip must have given him a scare. I was diagnosed with osteoporosis after the fall. Maybe he figured we weren’t getting any younger and wanted you to find me before it was too late...even though he knew I would not like that."
"But you straightened up. Why do you still want to keep away?"
"The consequences of my actions live on. There are pictures and videos of me on the internet. Davis says he’s taken them all off but nothing goes off permanently on that thing. I am afraid I will mar your name by being publicly associated with you."
"But I don’t care about that."
"I do."
The bout of silence which ensued ended with Miss Malone saying, "So what happened?"
Estelle turned the ring around her finger.
"It's just, ever since, I haven't been able to look at Kevin in the same way. I can just feel disappointment coming. And I don't think I can allow myself feel that way again."
"Your fiancé deserves a chance to prove himself by himself." Miss Malone looked into her eyes earnestly."Maybe he is not like your father," she continued, "Only he can show you that."
"E!"
Did she hear that right?
"E!"
Only one person called her that.
"Kevin?" She whispered breathlessly.
"E!" He called out louder.
"In here, Kev." She called back. Kevin got to the door just when she did. In that instance he looked like the weight of the world had fallen off his shoulders. He also looked rugged with his day old stubble and wrinkled shirt. He walked to her and squeezed her tight.
"How did you find me?"
"You shouldn’t have ubered."
Estelle laughed. She was the one who had insisted they use one account. He loosened his grasp but still held her close.
"You know I am not running anywhere, right?”
"I can’t be sure about that. You pack your things and go AWOL only for me to find you a million miles away from home."
"Really? A million miles?"
"Yes." He held her at arms length. "What are you doing here? Are cheating on me with an old man?" He half joked.
"Well, you know I have a thing for soft grey hair, but no..." She laughed. "That’s not why I am here." She stepped away from the door, "I came to find my mum."
The shock of it all registered in his eyes before it was replaced with relief.
"Your birth mum?"
"Yes," Miss Malone said, "I am the other woman in your lady’s life."
She stood and offered her hand but Kevin went for a hug instead.
"I won’t have her cheat with any other person."
"Oh, so yours will be an open marriage ei?"
Kelvin burst out into one of his larger-than-life laugh. He sat with her mother and began to charm his way into her life.
Estelle leaned back on the wall. She was glad her father came to her when he did. Maybe she should forgive him and maybe, just maybe, she would be able to find a way to make up for all the lost time with her birth mum.
Miss Malone took out a box from under her bed and opened the box to reveal pictures from Estelle’s childhood. She quickly rushed to the bed in a futile attempt to save herself from years of teasing and taunting.
Thank you @TraciYork for introducing me to #photoflashfiction. I am sorry I couldn't do every one of them in time. Life got in the way. I will try though because I gave my word. Thank you #TWB. I know I didn't submit this for nitpicking. I should have. Maybe this piece would have been pretty much perfect. And to you @raj808, thank you for putting up with me. Your input was invaluable!
