Turning the Camera on Vulnerability
Before I cut off my hair, I had a LOT of hair. That's not what this post is about. @shawnamawna here, and this post is about showing up for myself through selfies.
When I had kids, it felt a lot like I disappeared. I was collapsed into the routine of parenting and only one emotion was allowed. I don't even know what that emotion was. I felt shapeless and dialed into a single purpose: keep the children alive.
A few years in I began taking selfies. I noticed there were lots of pictures of the kids and the kids with their dad, @nat5an, but since I was the one holding the camera, the only way to be in the picture was to turn it on myself. And the only way to do that was to get really comfortable with myself.
It took me several years of seeing my own face to come to love it, and longer to love my face when it wasn't happy or forced into an acceptable camera expression. So I began taking care of myself during harder parenting moments. I practiced honesty with the camera.
I have lived with depression and anxiety my whole life. It got so much worse when I had kids. There were many hard days, but in the pain of parenting is beauty.
I can see it now, even in my own sadness. These images from two years ago mark the first time I recognized that my vulnerability was not a failure.
Vulnerability is a success.
Have you ever tried to take pictures of yourself when you are sad?
I know @jealousyjane has. Hers are amazing. Feel free to link below to yours.
xoxo,
This post is absolutely beautiful! I too can relate to feelings of sadness and anxiety as a mother. In the beginning I completely lost myself in the Art of Mothering so much so that I stopped looking in the mirror. My husband is a BIG pitcture taker and always tried to get me in the frame or atleast take a picture. It took my, at the time Kindergartener, daughter's school picture of her not smiling for me to realize to smile more. When asked why she did not smile, she simply stated, "I wanted to look like mommy, so I did your face" That was an eye-opener for me I want my daughters (I have two now) to have more confidant and more happy reflection to follow after. I see that while I may do positive actions, we never quite realize what other traits that they pick up on, whether it be positive or not. I recently went to a baby shower and the hostess stated this resonating quote, "Children do not always do as we say, but they will always do what we do". Thank you for sharing your story!
That is a powerful anecdote. It's amazing what our kids reflect back to us. I'm glad you were able to relate to this. One aspect of mothering is feeling very alone. <3
Omg good post please we need like this post
Thank you. <3
Hola que bella <3
Hola!
Beautiful curly hair!
Thank you. I know I won't miss it in Summer, but I'm kind of missing it right now. Especially looking back at these images.
I loved your post. Vulnerability is your strength. Stay beautiful, beautiful soul.
<3 Thank you for witnessing me. There is such power in having our vulnerability seen.
Indeed it is <3
You look amazing in those pictures, despite the fact that you have kids, you still look beautiful and sexy.
Thank you. I think having kids has made me even more beautiful. :)
Powerful article.
I appreciate this. Thank you.
I’ve always thought of selfies as frivolus and vain. People usually put on their best face and fake it til they make it. But your vulnerability has elevated the “selfie” to a true work of art. So touching and beautiful.
Thank you for your strength. It has encouraged me to become more comfortable with my own image and not to fear being vulnerable..
Thank you. I am so happy to hear you are inspired by this.