DAYS LIKE THIS

On days like this I feel terrible
On days like this I wonder,
I wonder what I do with my life.

On days like this,
I feel so down.
So grey, grey I say
Cos life loses its colors.

On days like this, fear grips me
Fear that I would amount to nothing
Fear that I would disappoint myself

Fear so real that self doubt sets in
Fear so real that I know no appetite
For food or anything.
Fear so real I am paralyzed

What would become of me?
Will I grow up to regret or live happily?
Will I be able to care for my own?
What will I amount to?

I am torn
Torn between living and this fear I feel.
It isn't self shaming today
It is the fear of not being what or who I want .

I can't live like this anymore
I lay wake at night
As my thoughts hunt me
As fear stricken as one can get.

How do I cope?
What steps do I take?
This feeling is draining
Draining the life out of me.

Fear has slowly sank it's claws into my heart.
I am so scared to try,
I have been in the same position for so long
Even if I have moved, I don't seem to appreciate it.

I and fear are ruining me.
I have to save myself.
I have to do it fast.
Before I can't do anything at all.