one step back

how many times
shall i stride with such brash uncertainty
into such godforsaken wild places as these
with this sad godawful hardheart of mine
barely beating me alive
bleeding seldom
it bleeds so seldom despite
being possessed of unhealable holes aplenty from which to bleed
how many times
shall i stride thereto
to stand on some random god's windswept cliff's edge
in the middle of the night
in the middle of the goddamn night
right in the middle of every random god's goddamn worst nightmare
how many times
shall i
in the shadow of the valley of some random god's hand raised against me,
how many times
how many times shall i wonder
how many times shall i wander
right there smack dab in the middle of the enraged wind's line of fire
right there on the cliff's edge, baby godforsaken,
and I'm wondering -

shall i take one step forward

or one step back?

dumb question,

doesn't matter,

nemo sum
nemo sum