The Mermaid

I had been drinking down in New Brighton and I'd had more than a few.
It was a warm and balmy night so I thought I'd just admire the view.
Now I was almost three sheets to the wind and could barely remember my own name.
But I was drawn to the waterfront like a moth drawn to a flame.

The moon was full and the tide was high.
As I watched the late night P&O ferry boat sailing by.
Now I've always liked the water but I'm a bit scared of the sea.
But the ebb and flow of the tide of life has always fascinated me.

I decided to try and converse with nature and get a closer look.
So I foolishly clambered around the edges of Fort Perch rock.
Now the rocks were just above sea level and really slippy.
But the way the moonlight rippled on the water was well and truly trippy.

I started reciting a poem to the sea God Poseidon but as I started to begin.
My footing went for a Burton and I fell right in.
My world it flashed before my eyes, I sinking like a stone.
No one could see me from the promenade I was totally alone.

I started to panic blindly I was going into shock.
But my grasping fingers couldn't get no purchase on that slimy Perch rock.
The Mersey water is freezing in the daytime but in the night it's even colder.
I was being pushed underwater by weight of the massive chip on my shoulder.

I was thinking it's just my dumbass stupid bad luck to drown at sea.
When I always thought I'd have a nice little plot up at Landican cemetery.
I was doggy paddling like Scooby Doo and flailing my arms around.
It was to the bottom of Davy Jones locker I was duly bound.

I went under for the third time and I was fighting for breath.
After swallowing big gob fulls of salty sea water and out of my depth.
I guess I gave up the ghost and resigned myself to dying.
Slipping beneath the dark Mersey waters I blacked out and gave up trying.

That's when I felt a pair of arms around me it was the strangest thing.
I thought I getting carried up to heaven by a pair of angel's wings.
But as I broke the surface of the water I realized I didn't die.
I found myself staring into a beautiful pair of Mermaids eyes.

She had long golden hair and man she looked really fit.
I know I shouldn't say this but she also had a cracking pair of tits.
She held me safely in her arms and swam me back to shore.
All I could manage to mutter to her was what did you save me for.

She said I could just leave you and do nothing and watch you die.
Besides there is nothing worse than seeing a grown man cry.
As Mermaids go, this one was really cool.
She had saved the life of a worthless drunken fool.

When she looked in my eyes all I could do was blush.
I have to admit I had developed a little Mermaid crush.
She knew in an instant I was under her spell.
But I not the type of poet who will ever kiss and tell.

But we talked for hours beneath the silvery moon.
The new day dawned upon us far too soon.
She said she couldn't stay any longer she had to go.
I just smiled at her and said I know.

We came from different worlds and we had to say goodbye.
She said please don't forget me, I said I couldn't if I tried.
All I could do was thank her as she disappeared beneath the waves.
For saving my worthless soul from a watery grave.