Another brilliant post @matrjoschka, uncovering and exposing yet another piece of the hidden and concealed puzzle of the dynamics of Child Sexual Abuse. It is vital for a sensible discussion that these dynamics be exposed and understood in non-judgement.

Currently the issue remains unacknowledged and avoided - look at the (lack of) response to your excellent posts on the subject! Also, considering that more than 1 in 4 (I accept the figures and have quoted similar ones myself) families may be incestuous (presumably this extends to uncles, cousins etc), there must be many who cannot, or will not even consider a serious discussion of the issue of CSA - one that does not focus on the simple finger-pointing victim/victimiser duality - precisely because it threatens to touch that deeply hidden and unacknowledged spot within! When one considers that the spouses and partners of survivors (secondary surviors) are also affected by the undealt-with trauma of CSA, the numbers of affected people vs the silence around the issue, is staggering; the lack of engagement, perhaps not so surprising!

As you indicate, today's 'victimiser' may have been yesterday's 'victim' (eg your mother, and from what you say, possibly/probably your father!?). Blaming just shuts off any further discussion. Silence twists the knife deeper - how many 'victims' have tried to tell or indicate what is going on to other close family members, only to be told to keep quiet, not make a scene etc etc. This is where the hidden abuse support-structure that you talk about also comes into play, protecting/hiding/fearing at the expense of the victim.

To get beyond blame (internal or external) and silence, as you have, requires a long and intense process of healing such as you must have gone through (are going through), to get to a point where you can declare yourself 'free and awake', and begin to help others. You have my deepest respect for this, for having chosen to heal yourself rather than to shit your own pain onto an uncaring world (although I guess you probably did for a while before you 'woke up' :). I'm not sure I know of a greater achievement for a being having a human experience - the starting point being such abject and seemingly utter isolation and darkness and confusion, that the process of learning and expansion undertaken to get to the other side, where you are, is, and has to be V A S T! (the 'silent' revolution? :).

Thank you once again 🔆