The other day I had a client who wanted to know what she could do, as she was in a beauty salon that removed the hair on her hands by laser in ten sessions, with the preceding advertising that this removal was "permanent".

I don't know the exact details. But it should be clear so far that some form of disappearance of the hair should occur. Since the treatments had an effect but not exactly the desired effect, the client wanted either a part of her money back or some other form of compensation. At the beginning she made ascriptions like "propaganda" and gave the impression that she had become a victim of a fraudulent sales strategy.

I had now asked what exactly she wanted. Whether she wanted to appeal to the courts? Since she had already lodged a complaint with the head of the salon, but the latter had rejected the complaint. Did she wish to continue to visit the beauty salon? Would she be able to send a friendly signal of disappointment to the owner again, since the almost guaranteed treatment had not worked for her of all people?

I briefly jumped into a lawyers' argumentation scene with her:

I explained that such laser treatments presumably refer to positive scientific research results and that there were certainly contradictory researches and what she thought the manager would refer to? If we were to estimate - just spun into the room - that 95% of the clients were satisfied with the treatment, would it be possible that, if the matter were to be settled by a lawyer/court, my client would now be among the sad five percent who did not get the result?

In all this I was keen to establish a light and humorous way of contact and conversation and to distinguish in an implicit and explicit way between "guilt" and "responsibility".

What was the implicit one about? That is, that I knew that she knew that I knew that she had agreed to an advertising promise that everyone else knows can't be guaranteed a thousand percent.

The explicit were my questions, whereby in between there was a mutuality about what was implicit between us and made a smooth tone possible.

I tried to grasp her reaction when I myself - suddenly a seductive saleswoman - held an imaginary apple out to her

... and began to rave about it in all imaginable salesmanlike colours and attributions, then offered her this apple, let her bite it off imaginarily, whereupon she would simply say: "I don't like it."

I allowed that scene to linger for a moment.

Then I spread my arms and said, "Our whole world here is full of praise and salesmanship. What is it you see and hear now?"

And she, smiling, "I have learned!"

She responded easily and in agreement to my arguments and scenarios I offered.

Of course I have no idea whatsoever about laser hair removal, success rates, etc. Indeed, since that moment I never have heard about it. It is also possible that more than half of the customers in the store feel cheated. But that is not the point.

If the client did not take up her objections in my remarks, it was because she did not want to take them up, although I had delivered several to her on a presentation plate.

She did what every intelligent person does when one is not quite sure which way to turn. Testing the waters. Although she tended to find the service fraudulent, I did not go into the alleged attempt of a fraud, but into whether she wanted to become a victim of her desire for a permanent hair disappearance.

I did not mention her hands with a word, although of course I could not refrain from looking at them. They did indeed look completely hairless. But whether this was due to the treatment or to her own efforts, that is beyond my knowledge.

Nor did I say a word about whether I thought the behaviour of the lady running the beauty salon was wrong or right.

In case of doubt, always for the accused as well as for the accuser, is my approach.

Why someone runs a company where one makes fine promises about the services is probably also always because one wishes to believe in them oneself.

So in order to achieve the client's goal of getting part of the money compensated, she can only reappear there with the same humour that we practiced in our conversation. But she probably would not get compensated by ease, nor a friendly treatment if she pretends that the matter is crystal clear. (She could, though, and that's what people opt for: acting out a dramatic scene. Which also succeeds in getting results).

In so far as the beauty salon manager implicitly receives the message from my client that she knows that the owner knows that everyone knows that such guarantees can't be given, the businesswoman will continue to be a smart businesswoman and will offer a form of compensation that will satisfy the customer.

The point is to say it in an artistic and not direct way and still get the message across so that the other person receives it.

If you don't want to or don't think you can do that, you can decide to learn by lesson and pay for the experience. One can of course also walk the way to a lawyer.

I'd say it's one of the best experiences I make while working with clients. It's a non judging, non "I am smarter than you or I am smarter than your enemy" situation. But one in which we can recognize each other as well as the world.

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Would you like to read more practice snippets? I have plenty of them (though I must carefully choose which one I can pick without hurting a clients intimate sphere). I am working as a social counsellor for different social institutions as a freelancer. I meet so many different people and I think I would like to write some practice experiences down.

What happens to me when I had a day of counselling, and I could maintain the above attitude, I come home refreshed.
After my working hours I sat down to have a bite to eat and exchanged some words with a colleague who works in one of the places full week.

I: "Wow, busy today, isn't it?"
She: "Yeah, well, then the hours go by faster."
I thought: "I wish she will enjoy work and become fresh again in the same way I feel energized through my work."
Maybe this is also one reason I would like to share this practice snippets with you.

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Title Picture Source:

^{By The National Archives UK - This file is from the collections of The National Archives (United Kingdom), catalogued under document record INF14/147. For high quality reproductions of any item from The National Archives collection please contact the image library., No restrictions, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=16245454}

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Work related articles and sources from which I draw expertise as well as inspiration from:

• Systemics
• Gestalt Psychology
• Circular Questioning
• Narrating
• Re-framing
• Mediation (without a "t" in the middle!:)
• Positive Connotation
• Cybernetics