I criticize everyone
They are stinging and merciless, they do not know how and do not want to show tolerance and condescension towards others. They are constantly tuned to criticism. What is behind their harsh and often hurtful words?
Some of us are particularly sensitive to the imperfections of the world: after all, they know so well how things should be in reality. This knowledge - as a set of rules for each case - they received from their parents and are constantly expanding themselves. When such people see that someone behaves wrong, says not what (in their opinion) should, they are embraced by anxiety and an irresistible desire to speak out sharply about this.
At these moments, the world seems to them to be particularly unstable and unstable. Such people keenly feel their helplessness and, trying to cope with internal discomfort, they begin to resent and condemn everything and everyone. Shooting at each target, they doom themselves to loneliness. But why do they behave this way?
FEAR BEFORE CRITICISM
Their categorical judgments against others are like a sentence that is not subject to review.
Choosing the position of the supreme judge, the stern critic seeks to feel his own integrity and defeat the unconscious fear of himself being the target of someone's criticism.
We live and act in the system of reciprocal mirrors, and very often our negative comment made to another person is nothing but a reflection — in the figurative sense — of ourselves. When we cannot accept any trait of our character, feeling, intention, fantasy or our style of behavior, we endow these qualities with other people. And we criticize them for this, often completely unfair.
This unconscious process, called projection, refers to the mechanisms of psychological defense: the criticism of another allows one to avoid encounters with oneself when psychologically a person is not ready to recognize in oneself unacceptable. He is afraid to feel rejected and unloved again. ”
THE PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE
Always ready to criticize other perfectionists. More precisely, those of them who are always not satisfied with themselves and others.
Perfectionism is of two types. Positive is expressed in the desire to help another person to become better, to support him; the negative is manifested in the constant criticism of everything and everything. " In the latter case, the victims who are obsessed with the pursuit of perfection are both those around him (who inculcate guilt) and he himself.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
When parents set the bar too high for the child, endlessly making claims to it, it deprives him of self-confidence and strengthens the feeling of inferiority.
Growing up, children can transform this lack of self-love into insufficient love for others. This becomes their key to mastering the world. Now they themselves make to others (including parents) claims - the same as those from which they suffered in childhood.
MIDDLE AGE CRISIS
Sometimes excessive criticality with respect to others appears with age. This is a mid-life crisis, a time to rethink oneself and search for new landmarks.
Like any age crisis, it helps men and women to find contact with themselves, to gain psychological integrity. But, assessing his achievements, a person often experiences disappointment in himself first of all, his self-esteem falls. At this moment, he begins to notice the shortcomings in others, as if to say to himself: “I am not the only one”.
WHAT TO DO?
Deal with past grievances
It is often the case that those who tend to condemn others have first themselves suffered from criticism. Remember when, how and why you became a target for such comments. Having dealt with past grievances, you will understand the reasons for your current claims to yourself and others.
Learn to open up to others
Instead of being locked in the rejection of others, you should learn to better understand them, to sympathize with them. Do not rush to make your verdict - let your interlocutor speak out, learn to listen and observe. Such attention will require effort, but gradually you will learn the tolerance necessary for a prosperous life in society.
Admit your mistakes
Constant willingness to criticize speaks of the desire for power and the desire to always and in everything be right. But such people, for whom the last word always remains, do not exist. Passionate and categorical testify to the immaturity of the individual. If you admit that you may be incompetent in something, your judgment will become more balanced and objective.
TIPS FOR WHOM IS NEXT
"Judge" does not spare anyone, even their loved ones. The one who is constantly attacked by such criticism risks losing self-esteem, having received in return the syndrome of the ugly duckling: if I often hear that I am bad, then I really become bad. The “judge” is convinced of the justice of his accusations, but one should not swallow them silently.
It is better to visually show him that his reproaches are sometimes baseless - for example, ask for specific evidence. To keep calm and peace of mind under a hail of accusations, do not forget that, in criticizing others, in reality, the “judge” aims at himself.