still in relationship prison

in #relationshiplast year

Relationship prison that stagnate go no-where companion. I am the insignificant other to a selfish lazy piece of shit. I have not wanted to be in this relationship for almost 13 months. The stranger who claims himself my boyfriend is a self centered ass hole who refuses to leave my domicile. This place has become just a domicile not a house or a home. I have retreated to the shed behind the house to avoid unnecessary contact with the useless man. He doesn't even give me this tiny shed as my own and breaks into it. My security completely breached by his selfishness. My safety and the safety of my things {5Gs worth of equipment} is second to the convenience of being able to come into my place and take whatever he needs. I don't share anything with him now a days. I use to be the bearer of all things. I supplied every single one of his needs, he has an endless supply of dead weight he piles onto my breaking back. He claims ZERo responsible for himself refusing to purchase anything but meth. He can only purchase meth if he stole something that the dealer wants. He bombards me incessantly with request for everything he needs. Followed by a list of things he hasn't even bothered looking for himself but wants me to tell him there location which is usually in plane view and within his arms reach. I stopped giving him anything when he threw away the opportunity for a job- (I of course started the application) The job was handed to him on a platter. I didn't even finish the application but the company called him up and asked him if he was having trouble filling out the application because they saw he started the app but had not finished it. They urged him to finish so they could do an interview. He did finish it then conveniently couldn't find a single number to call for help scheduling the interview.
Every day for a week I tried to get him to call but he didn't have any intentions of getting a job. He still has zero intentions on getting a job. A friend needs a helper badly on his job-site and he offered him the position, only thing is, there needs to be a clean drug test on everything but pot. That is the equivalent of 3 days sober. We are going to be coming up to the 2 month mark since the offer was on the table and he has gotten sober 4 different times for 4days but never goes to test and isn't smart enough to freeze some piss to use when he test. Funny little game we are playing here huh?
This is the worse relationship I have ever been in. My abusive x was worlds better than this guy and he was physically abusive. This guy is mentally abusive and covertly manipulative. I hate myself when I am with him. He doesn't do anything for me but burden me and verbally abuse me. He's called me a cum rag in-front of other men. Told me horrible ugly unforgivable things that I will never forget. There is nothing about this relationship worth keeping. It is the biggest waist of time I have ever been trapped inside of. This has been the worse time of my entire life and I had a terrible childhood. The person he is disgust me. I don't trust him. I don't laugh with him. I don't even have any good memories with him. There was never a good point in this relationship it has always been shitty. I can't think of a single good quality he has.
There is nothing here for him. He is from Los Angeles and all his family and friends are there. This is where my family lives. He should leave but he won't. I could call out the Calvary or the law and have him removed. Calling the Calvary means he is going to be harmed, there is no getting around that. This sets my conscience on fire. Getting a restraining order is very convenient option. He has a domestic on his record already therefore easily obtained. The threat of this will send him into a rage kicking and throwing whatever is in his hands and screaming death threats. He wants to be able to own a gun and his last domestic had his 2nd amendment revoked. The restraining order expired this year and legally he can have a gun. Not if I put a restraining order on him though and this is the very most infuriating thing to him. As if he could afford to buy a gun legally anyway. No matter he will threaten to stab me to death and burry me in the desert when I threaten to get a restraining order. I think doing that would be doing him a favor though. It would force him to leave this tiny shit hole town for his stomping grounds. Los Angeles with her sea of opportunity, a place that anything can happen, somewhere your life can completely change in a single day. I think that leaving him to rot inside this opportunity barren town of Onyx would be better revenge. He can rot here with the whooping 10 females all of which are fat, and most are fucking every guy they can wrap their legs around in the kern valley. Every guy in onyx is the side bitch to some fat old lady. He WAS the only guy to have a girlfriend who didn't have another boyfriend. Now he just doesn't have a girlfriend. Leaving him her will inevitably lead to him being some fat cunts side piece. Let him have all these filthy women he's been fucking around on me with. Thee is a distinct smell of a shameful failure rack and rune disuse
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