Learning to care

On from yesterday’s post regarding Mac - today I am looking at how nothing changes unless we apply ourselves consistently - I am looking at the word grateful ness today and how each day there is something for me to be grateful for.

I woke feeling sad and empty, thinking that this is ok, there is a certain amount of comfort in that, this sad empty feeling had actually been who I have been for most of my life, but it’s taken an event like my cat dying for me to actually face it for once and for all - to not just accept that it’s ok to experience myself this way - this isn’t what life is all about. So I forgave myself took a long deep breath and started to look at what I have to be grateful for.

The sun was shining and I have a lovely enclosed court yard garden that I can sit for a moment in safety and enjoy the sun. For this I am grateful.

I have the support of great friends in my life, for this I am grateful.

I have clothes on my back and food in my belly and a roof over my head, for this I am grateful.

I have forgiveness, where I can apply a sentence of forgiveness in complete self honesty and release my burdens and my demons, this is true GREATfullness

So within this I forgive myself that for a long time I haven’t actually lived, but just existed in this kind of pity pit - fearful and worried about life, where I’m scared to really open myself up and be grateful because life just is no bed of roses it’s harsh and painful - that if I really start letting go and live I could be disappointed ☹️!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build an invisible shield around myself - like expecting the worse, because this way I wont be disappointed.

So today I am grateful to be alive, to be able to share myself here and I am grateful that I have my process my commitment to myself to embody the word grateful as myself.

I forgive myself that I had forgotten how Everything is a choice - I had a conversation with a good friend yesterday and she reminded me that we all have a choice - don’t forget this, it’s important, choose life, be grateful to be alive to enjoy all that life has to offer, in humbleness, breathe, slow down and look around be grateful for the life that I have, we aren’t here for long.