Very important topic that deserves more discussion and open-mindedness.
If sex(uality) were more openly talked about in our societies we may not have so many issues (both personal and collective).

For some silly reason, at the begining I saw myself remembering James Thurber's hillarious essay, Courtship though the Ages. Some animals definitely have a harder time than us humans at consumating sex, and yet we find ways to make it really nightmarish.
I like the distinction you made from the begining: obsession vs compulsion. I think that religion has done a lot to put every single sex-related thought in the same basket and guilt, for thoe who believed, ends up being a trigger rather than a deterrent.

Definitely a topic to write volumes about. Couples should discuss more openly this issues in the context you suggest so that neither part feels weird or out of place. There has been some progress in notions about sexuality,but I think we've been too slow yet when it comes to fully discussing all the implications derived from sex practices or lack thereof and the role of sex in balancing people's lives.