Fly

Fly

Throughout my life I've seen a flaw.
I've been the fly upon the wall.
Seldom spoken to and never received.
In any circle socially.
I've watched and listened to old and young.
All tell me I'm to old or to young.
I've tried people my age.
Yet people see me as to strange.
Because I have an open mind.
They tend to think I am blind.
I will not let them see my tears.
As their words cut and shred my ears.
When I am shunned socially.
I feel my soul begin to bleed.
I am the fly upon the wall.
That you KILL with no thought at all.

Sabrina Reyenga

Holy Spirit has been playing this poem from my twenties in my mind. At that time in my life I was watching a group of young people outside a coffee shop. They stood in a circle shoulder to shoulder. On the out skirts of that circle were 3 or 4 people not being permitted to join in fully. When questions would be directed to them it was an over the shoulder comment never fully engaging the person being spoken too.

In myself I could see how I was in that same position at that age. Wanting to be accepted by everyone just as I was and not as they wanted me to be. Yet, I would say, do, and believe whatever they said just so I would be accepted and liked by them. I was listening to and believing the judgments of others.

As life progressed more and more I felt the conflict grow within me. The more I tried to follow another's dictates the more miserable I was. The more I suffered. Holy Spirit is showing me how I was seeing it, but not understanding what I was experiencing back then. That if I had stopped and listened to His guidance from within I would not have suffered as long as I did. It was my judgments and beliefs in what others had taught me that built the anger I had for God in my mind. I had blamed God for what I believed another had told me I was and what was done to me. It was my choice. Holy Spirit has shown me I can choose again and I have.

My path has shown me that everything is my choice. I choose to listen to Holy Spirit or the ego. When I listen to others and believe their judgments of me I am believing in ego. Only I can do this work with Holy Spirit within me. No one else may do this for me. I have to make a conscious choice as to what I am going to believe now. The responsibility is mine and mine alone. I am responsible for what I think, feel, perceive, and experience. No one else is to blame ever. I am not responsible for what they are going through in their minds either. I had to learn to stop listening to and believing what others said of me. It is a habit we learn and have to unlearn. Unlearn it I did...

Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.