The City of Toronto Sports Wraps Up a Demoralizing Few Weeks

Before I begin, I want to preface this shitpost by stating that I have nothing against the city of Toronto. I've never been there, but from what I've seen they have pretty buildings and I think they leave all of their doors unlocked, which is cool. The depth chart of celebrities from Toronto and Ontario as a whole is a force to be reckoned with. That roster includes, Drake, Justin Bieber, Rachel fuckin McAdams, Ryan Gosling, Michael Cera, Will Arnett, and more (Yeah, I just found a list of celebrities on Wikipedia). That is quite the superteam. However, Toronto sports has seen better days... Let's recap how it all began.

April 25th, 2018
Toronto Maple Leafs Eliminated From 2018 Stanley Cup Playoffs

AP Photo/Elise Amendola

It starts off with a heartbreaking playoff elimination to the Boston Bruins. The Maple Leafs lose a 7-game series to the Boston Bruins and get licked along the way by Brad Marchand.

Getting licked then getting exited from the first round of the playoffs is not the way any franchise wants to end their season, but the Maple Leafs have nothing to hang their heads over. They have a great young core with Auston Matthews at the helm looking like a bonafide stud wagon. Still a tough way to go after a relatively strong season.

April 30th, 2018
Rift Between Head Coach Mike Babcock and Young Superstar Auston Matthews

Getty Images

Speaking of Auston Matthews, rumors begin to circulate that Maple Leafs head coach Mike Babcock and Auston Matthews are not on great terms after being eliminated from the playoffs. Obviously these are rumors, but if they are true, is anybody really surprised? A seasoned head coach of almost 20 years and a young superstar who was groomed as a prodigy from the age of 18 are not on great terms after losing a hard-fought playoff series? This isn't exactly what you want to hear as a Maple Leafs fan after a season's end, but I don't think this is world-ending-blow up-the-roster news. But it does get worse for Toronto...

May 7th, 2018
Toronto Raptors Get Absolutely Shit Pumped By LeBron And Some Other Random 24-Hour Fitness Pickup Teammates

HANDOUT/Twitter/@MythAddict

Another year, another platoon of people (including me) convinced that the Raptors are the real deal. I am totally sick of the Raptors and I think that entire franchise should be trebucheted into the sun. Year after year I idiotically convince myself that the Raptors can actually take down LeBron and get out of the east. This year felt like the year. Drake, the self-elected Raptors owner/ambassador, is fired up after releasing a few good singles, the Raptors rock some super awesome jerseys, they have a cool looking court, and they trot through the East finishing the regular season as the 1-seed. The stage was set, and my dumb brain believed it. LeBron is getting older and look at his supporting roster! Kevin Love, and a bunch of randoms from 24-Hour Fitness??? They struggled against the PACERS!

LeBron then comes out, drops basically 6000 points each game and LEMETEORS the Raptors back to the prehistoric era and here I sit with a giant egg on my face, again... Then ESPN's Mike James hits Toronto with this in the middle of Game 2,

LEBRONTO??? The Raptors are dead. It's over. I'm sorry, but this team deserves to be called LeBronto Raptors forever. That is, until next year when they finish with 60 wins and I hop bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on that bandwagon again.

May 8th, 2018
James Paxton of the Seattle Mariners Drops No-Hitter Against the Toronto Blue Jays

Photo by AP

Just when Toronto thought it was all over, James Paxton swoops in to drop a cherry on top of the Toronto shit cake by throwing no hitter against the Blue Jays on 99 pitches. Apparently throwing a no-hitter on fewer than 100 pitches is called a Maddux, who knew? Just to firmly jam that cherry on top, Paxton is Canadian. However, I'm going to come out and admit that I'm not a huge "fan" of a pitcher throwing a no hitter. Like, congratulations on doing 100% of your job buddy. You get paid to not let guys get hits, you did it. I expect the guy getting paid 100% of the ten bucks an hour at McDonalds to make 100% of my burger. All jokes aside, congratulations to James Paxton. I expected a Canadian to look out for his fellow Canadian baseball franchise and let them hit maybe a dribbler up third at least once, I guess not.

Well that wraps it up. If I were a Toronto sports fan, I would probably refrain from tuning into sports for another few weeks until the MLB season wears in. It can only get better from here, right?