It Seems Pointless For Me To Live Now But I Must Press On With This Lifetime🧬👻⚰🧗🏼‍♂️

Life Is Still Beautiful

I've been battling all my physical adversaries ever since I was just a child. I felt it once when I went to the school as my knees are shaking because of the new environment that I was set in, it was the anxiety disorder that didn't leave my body until today.

Probably my anxiety disorder was tied to my failing kidney because as I would recall it the symptoms came one after the other. At first I really couldn't get fat even though I eat a whole lot. Then I get the headaches and they are so frequent, sometimes I would vomit because of the pain and I thought that it was just normal.

Along that I felt this weird kind of being so weak, I didn't know what it was only to realize after some years that it was a symptom of chronic fatigue. That is why I haven't been so active because I am just basically weak. I didn't participate in any sports whatsoever because of the said reasons.

I Was Like A Dead Weight On My Bed After School Because Of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Mentally it also affected me because if you have a brewing sickness inside it would manifest on your mental state. So cognitively I wasn't able to perform better. It was my ambition to excel in school but I wasn't able to because maybe due to the abnormal oxygen supply to the brain, the physical stresses just makes you get a dull brain.

So at College when my grades are already getting affected I just stopped abruptly and blindly hoped that maybe things would get normal soon. But I was wrong, everything went downward spiral as manifested now by my current physical state.

Anyway I was also a grumpy person most of the time but when I was in school one of my classmates had coined me "Smiley" because when he sees me he always sees a smiling face. It is because I am really jolly good person considering that when I was in high school I am already sick at that time. But really if you had a brewing Kidney disease you are just affected by emotions easily sad and happy alike.

If You Have A Brewing Sickness Inside You Will Be Grumpy For Sure

Now the only working part of my body maybe was my brain. But I am not so sure because my hearing too is impaired as well, it could be originating from my brain for what I know. SO maybe that is why people around me just lost hope already that my case is hopeless already.

So if I am just a non-spiritual person I could have killed myself already. But I am spiritual thank God because I already had seen spirit being in my College where it was known to be a haunted School. That is why it cemented my belief in spiritual realm.

Having To See A Spirit Being Made Me Believe That There Is A Spiritual World

But again really, what is the point of living like this, full of pain and prodigal expenses for medicines that does not even completely heals me? It is just disheartening and often I lose hope when I see that my body is disintegrating slowly. I am so worried and I could not deny the fact that my future as shown m=by my current state is really bleak and sadly hard. I just that God would not prolong my suffering anymore by either let me normalize some parts of my body or just take my spirit already and let me die without suffering. I t is just what I wanted to happen.

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