Hi, @anomalogy you are a really great hunter! Thank you for sharing your amazing hunt. Down below you can see my Pros & Cons. This is my own opinion no intention to judge your work :)

Congrats for your verified

Pros:

◈ The Big Turtle Shell Ultra with IPX7 so it is 100% waterproof.
◈ You can pair two speakers together for Ultra-Loud.
◈ With an Hi-Fi sound and built-in mic so you can answer the calls using this speaker.
◈ The Big Turtle Shell Ultra was an incredible sound stay paired up to 30 feet away.
◈ A shockproof speaker.

Cons:

◈ I can't see any cons for this awesome speaker. Good Job!

Great hunt! :)