stare at my phone in distain when it rings

Shit, you too? :)) Maybe we should get these people calling us to exchange numbers so they can talk amongst themselves? :D

I'm the same, my phone is on mute or has the wifi off more and more nowadays. I usually do it when I'm writing, so as not to get distracted, but then I just leave it like that. I don't want to be enslaved by those shitty pings and yet, that's what they do. IT's like Pavlov's dog, you know? It beeps and you must check, 'cause it's an important message. I love your title, it's dead on.