What can I do if my parents argue? Help for kids
Arguing with somebody you love is a part of life and I am sure you have also been in a few arguments in your life time. Be it with your parents, siblings, a family member or even your friends.
It can be upsetting to be part of an argument, but most of the time it is easy to sort out and settle, but nobody likes to hear their parents argue the whole time. It is not only upsetting, but it can also scare you and make you worry about the future and what will happen if they do not resolve their arguments.
Sometimes adults will disagree about things. It can be playful or about small things like who is going to pick up the takeaways or why did your dad not buy the milk or which TV program to watch, but it can also be over important things like money and how you kids must be raised or what is allowed and what not.
Having an argument can be a calm affair where each one gets a chance to speak and an agreement is reached, but there are times when an argument can change into a huge deal with screaming and shouting and nobody wants to budge or make a sacrifice to keep the peace.
This whole scenario where parents are fighting can be scary and leave you with unresolved feelings and worrying that they will maybe get a divorce or do not love one another any more or you can be scared that the fighting is never going to stop.
You have to understand that in the same way that you are sometimes not in the mood to talk or are irritated with certain things and people, the same can happen to adults. They can experience bad days or are disappointed with something their partner did and just needs to blow off steam.
Respect the fact that it is not only you that have feelings and do not always expect that the worse will happen.
Tips to deal with fighting parents
Once you understand that adults do fight and it is something they have to sort out themselves, and most of the time it is not about you or something that has to concern you, the better you will be able to deal with it.
Watch the video for some ideas on how to deal with the situation if your parents are fighting.
Fighting does not have to be a big deal - but speak up if it is
All people have their own feelings and ideas about life. We do not always agree with one another and it is fine to give your opinion if you are unhappy with a situation. It is not necessary to act like a hooligan and break stuff and scream and shout.
If you live in a house where arguing gets out of hand and the issue is not resolved quickly, you need to speak up. You do not have to watch or be part of parents abusing one another or breaking stuff.
It is your right to be protected and feel save and if the constant fighting is making you feel less than that, you need to let your parents know that it is not OK. If you feel you cannot talk to them, ask a family member or friend or priest you trust to have a conversation with them.
If the arguments are not constant and you know it is a disagreement that will blow over, you need to respect the boundaries and not interfere. Your parents are adults and they do not need you to sort out a disagreement for them. Leave them alone and go on with your own stuff and before you know it everything will be back to normal.
Is it my fault?
When parents fight you may feel guilty that you did something wrong, especially if the fight is about you. Even if this happens you need to understand that it is not your fault that your parents fight. They are the adults and they can choose how to resolve the situation. Do not make it worse by taking sides or also joining the fight. Give your parents space to sort it out on their own.
If the fighting gets worse and you feel that it is influencing your day to day life like you are loosing concentration in class because you worry to much about your parents or you start feeling depressed or loosing your appetite, you will have to get help from the doctor or councilor at school.
Understand that nobody if perfect and an argument now and then is normal - it is all about how it gets resolved and how often it happens. You can be part of a very happy family and still argue from time to time.
If you feel that the fighting is getting too much and too often, speak to your parents and encourage them to seek help and maybe go and see a couples therapist that can help them. Do not make demands, but rather explain to them how it makes you feel to stay in a house with constant arguing and why it bothers and scares you.
