When life gets hard and you have to grieve and carry on - Information for teens/young adults

Life is sometimes hard and not always moonshine and roses - things happen to us that can cause us grieve.  Grieve is the deep feeling of hurt and sadness we go through if we loose somebody or something very dear too us.

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We need to be prepared that this is part of life and one or other time it will happen to all of us.  We cannot go through life just thinking about it the whole time - that will drive us crazy - but we need the know the ways and means to cope with it if anything like this should happen in our lives.

First of all you need to understand that there are nothing you can do that will give you a "quick fix".  There are certain stages and feelings that you will have to go through and secondly you will need to understand that there is no shame in feeling sad, it is normal to miss someone or something that you have lost and you may spend as much time as you need feeling sad before you feel better and can face life again.

Different people will show their grieve in different ways.  Maybe you will become a bit of a rebel and feel that nobody understands you, you will maybe cry a lot or keep yourself away from other people or think of the person or the pet you have lost a lot, you can become spiritual or  you can even feel depressed at times.  

All people have different ways in dealing with grief and you will have to find your own way and take your time to get through it.

It will take time, nobody can tell you how much time you will need, each person will take a different amount of time until they feel ready to try and feel better and carry on.

You need to give yourself permission to grieve properly and in order to do that you will have to go through the "different stages of grieve".

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Some of us will really feel lost during these times of grieve and not all people can handle waiting to feel better with time. It can happen that you as a teenager will feel lost and turn to things like drugs, alcohol, overeating or getting in trouble.  

Even if it feels like a solution at that moment, believe me that in the long run it will not be a solution because you will never learn to deal and work through your emotions, you will hide behind other thing that is not only wrong, but also harming you in the process.

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You will have to try and get through the grieve even if it means you have to go and see somebody or have to face the pain, but always remember that eventually thing will get better.

It is normal to feel confused and not know what to do.  

Have a look at others teenagers talking about their feelings that you can see it is normal to feel that way.

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Feeling better does not mean that you have forgotten your loss, but it means that you have learned how to live from day to day, deal with your pain and accept that it is okay to carry on with your life and eventually feel happy again.

Sources and for extra information

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/coping-grief-teenager

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kenneth-j-doka/six-ways-that-adolescent-_b_5148211.html