Living with stepparents - Life skills for kids

Yesterday we looked at what it can be like to live with your grandparents, but in some houses the parents are divorced and got married again which mean you now have stepparents and siblings.  Lets have a look at how this can influence your life. 

                                                                                            

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Things happen in life where grown ups decide it is better for them to live apart.  It can be confusing to you, or maybe your parents still get along very well.  The big change comes when your parents get married again and suddenly you must get use to a new stepdad or stepmom.  This can also happen when one of the parents died and the other one gets married again.

It is okay to feel scared or even a little cross when this happens, because things will change now, but it does not always mean it will change for the worst... sometimes we just need to adapt and give everybody a chance.

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It can be a huge change if you suddenly have a 'new' adult in the house.  You will wonder how things will change, are you still going to get enough attention if there are other children coming with the stepparents, will there be a lot of new rules and will they even accept you?

You will never know if you do not ask and you will not know if things will work if you do not try from your side. Do not just expect a stepparent to be like Cinderella's 'wicket stepmother'.  Give them a change and also try from your side to accept changes, speak in a decent manner to your parents if you are not happy with certain changes and find out what will change and how it will change.

It does happen sometimes that some kids do not get along with their stepparents and do not want them in their lives.  But now is the time to be honest with yourself.  Are they really doing something you do not like or is it just because you do not like the changes or are even  a bit jealous of the time they spend with your biological parent?

Make a list (and really think about this) of how your stepparent treats you and what he/she does for you.  You will be surprised to see that most of the time they do much more as what you give them credit for.

If it is really a case of they are not treating you well or not the same as their own children, you can speak to your parents about your concerns.  Do it in a calm and decent way, that they can see you are serious, not just a 'brat throwing their toys.'

When you're mad, it can be tempting to scream, "I can't stand her!" or "He's ruining my life!" But this will only hurt your stepparent's feelings and will not make anything better. Instead, explain why you're upset with your stepparent. Be specific about what the problems are and why you feel so angry. 

It can also be a good idea that the whole family go and see a therapist that can help and give some pointers on how to sort out the problems that are keeping you from being a happy family with more than just a mom and dad.

Even if things start off a little 'rocky' and strange, if everybody do their part and try and get along and have open discussions on what they want and what make them happy and sad, you will be surprised that before you know it, your stepparents will become your 'real' family and you would not be able to picture your life without them.

Do not see them as people who wants to try and take the place of your mom and dad, see them as extensions of your family that also want to play a part in your life and love you as part of their family.... and who knows, you will quickly become 'one big happy family.

The more good you can find in your stepparent and your situation, the closer you'll become. And the entire family will be a whole lot happier — especially you. 

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