what a thoughtful post! there's a lot here that i wish i got as a child. i grew up with a lot of negative reinforcement. people that talk to me in a critical way tend to fail, because I will oppose that shit.

this post should be a daily reminder, not only for parents. most people tend to believe that they are communicating well without listening to themselves. and maybe it isn't their message that's at fault as much as how they word it - their attitude.

(I include myself, i am an incredible hypocrite sometimes. but i do realize it)

arrogance and condescension are not good tools when trying to come to agreement or instill groundwork. teaching why the rule or behavior is important should be the first step.

understanding why a person acts in a certain way is also key to figuring out how to communicate with them. sometimes clarifying what you hear in a discussion, then validating the emotion works wonders.

social rules are sometimes taken for granted by parents and teachers, (even bosses and friends), where to other people, especially children, they are arbitrary structures to protect an institution that they dont yet accept.

the arrogance is in thinking that all adults (and kids) are on the same page without verifying that there is a shared agreement, and also the belief that the rules one set of people have is the only right way. (cross cultural communication).

we should all act with strangers like we are dealing with foreigners. even a shared language leads to the assumption that values are also shared.

my favorite saying from childhood: when you assume, you put an ass before u and me. communication is about losing the attitude - be willing to start from scratch and try again.