CONFLICT AND RELATIONSHIPS (part two'

The writing on this topic is being concluded in this part two. We shall examine major reasons that causes conflicts and causing problems between humans in relationship with each other vis-a-vis Solutions thereby.

As it has already been pointed out in part one of this writing, conflict will always occur wherever humans are found.

Here are some basic causes:

1. Personal Attitude and Actions

Inter-personal tension often begins and escalates with people whose personality traits, attitude, perceptions, feelings, mannerisms and behaviour create conflict and distrust. They are people with critical mind who always easily stir up conflict wherever they go. So critical about everything and most often their actions are selfish and parochial. Jesus warned against greed and against finding fault in others when there are even worse faults in ourselves.

Some of the faults that hinder interelations include but not limited to the following:

A. Self-centeredress and egocentric
B. A nonforgiving and bitter attitude.
C. A judgemental, hypercritical and angry.
D. Attitude of feeling reluctant to trust others, and the feeling of threat.
F. Prejudice
G. Rigid expectations about what others should be like both in actions and values
H. Failure or unwillingness to recognise and accept individual difference.

1. Group Attitude and Beliefs

Sometimes, it is forgotten that large groups, also have attitudes and beliefs. These beliefs and attitudes impact on the individuals within the group, influencing how they act towards people in different groups. Psychologists have discovered by study that these group beliefs can be very dangerous idea that propel groups to conflict. A clear examples are: nations that engage in ideological and violent struggles with other countries; within political parties, churches and other organisations.

Some of these beliefs that are especially lethal are:

1. Superiority 2. Injustice 3. Vulnerability 4. Distrust 5. Helplessness.
   Undoubtedly, there are beliefs that need to be contended with when lager groups disagree.

2. Conflict pattern

Conflicts and problems involve a struggle and it usually occur when two or more people have goals that appear to be incompatible or when they want something that is scarce. This kind of conflict can be threatening and potentially destructive though, it can also serve as a useful purpose. They can clarify goals and unify groups and also bring previously ignored disagreement to a point of discussion and resolution.

1. Communication Failure

The essence of good inter-personal relations is good communication. Inter-personal tensions usually arise when communication is inefficient or in danger of breaking down. Even when two people what's to communicate, there can be reasons for failure.
This happens when:

A sender of the message is unclear in his or her mind about the message and so cannot put words that are clearly understandable.
He or she is afraid, ashamed, deceptive, unsure and reluctant to send a clear message.
The receiver is unable to understand the message; he or she is distracted from listening, does not want to listen for lack of interest or mistrust, and fear of being persuaded against his or her interest.

Next time you meet two people who are in conflict, listen carefully to how they talk with each other and watch for some of these hindrances to effective communication.

6 ### Lack of Commitment
Many people, including those influenced by post modernism, appear to be afraid of making commitments. For example, Loyalty to friends, church, community, business associates and one's country is given lip service only an then then discard it when it gets in the way of self-fulfilment or personal advancement.
Perhaps, being too cautious, hedonistic or threatened by commitment, many will stay away from pledging themselves to another person or a course. Even sometimes abandon verbal agreement.

1. Satan's Influence

The common enemy of mankind is satan the devil. The Bible describe satan and a deceiver and father of lies who disguises himself as an angel of light and goes about the whole earth tempting individuals and looking for people to devour. His duty is to cause conflict within relashionships with a view to destroying the individuals. We should be wary of this antic.

There is Remedy

Let's discuss these remedies in the following themes:

1. Good Inter-personal Relations Involve Determination, Effort, And Skill

People don't always get along automatically even when they are committed to a course or as a Christian. Both the Bible and psychology sumptuously agree that good relationships depends on the consistent development and application of skills, such as listening carefully, watching, understanding oneself and others, trying hard to communicate accurately and refraining from unkind comments or emotional outbursts. All of these are learned.

1. Focus on issue

Good inter-personal relations must focus on issues to avert tensions and acrimony because people have different attitudes, personalities, prejudices, values or lifestyle.
People should endeavor to learn the art of accepting each other, to get along despite their different personalities, tensions and lifestyles.
Tension comes from differences concerning more specific issues. A biblical example: The herdsmen of Abram and Lot argued over use of limited pasture land. The two men sat down to discuss this, there focus was on specifically on the disputes between the two groups of herdsmen. This principle works in any area of differences between people including couples.

1. Good Inter-personal Relations Should Be People Dependent

Good relationships can be maintained and conflicts can be managed when people are willing to work together to resolve their differences.
Indeed, for real peace to be felt within or to occur between individuals, they must first be at peace with God their creator who is the author of peace.
Jesus is the Prince of peace. Therefore, resolutions to conflict must necessarily begin with Jesus Christ. At His birth the hosts of Angels sang glory to God in the highest and proclaimed "peace on earth to all men of good will"

Conclusion

It would be incorrect of any one to assume that all the conflicts and problems between humans are all deliberate attempt to hinder smooth relationships. For instance, fear if getting close, innate shyness or a reluctance to trust others may be ingrained attitudes that ate difficult to change or erase without the help of a friend and or a counsellor. In contrast though, people can change mire easily when they have not been holding grudges, demanding their own ways or refusing to forgive.
We can make our world a sweet place to live in having good inter-personal relationship. Endeavor to avoid the pitfall as stated, but rather imbibe the values enumerated above.

Regards,
Udu Ben - lover of peace for the world.