Zintar Mortalis was born to Jewish Russian parents in Kiev in 1684. He prides himself on having lived in every major world city throughout his lifetime and immigrated to the U.S. in 1904. He currently lives in Omaha, Nebraska where the air is as fresh "as a Ukrainian snow storm."

On weekends, he likes to go trout fishing with his girlfriend Enchantress of the Night, but she baits all the hooks because he doesn't like touching things that are "squishy."

His best friend is Lord of Darkness, but he spends most of his time with the Twisted Jester because Lord is so busy with all of his scare-the-hell-out-of-people appointments. Besides, the Twisted Jester can make him laugh without saying a word.

The three of them met on the Jack Rabbit in Rochester, New York in 1920 and vowed to ride every roller coaster in the world together until they're "too old to shake it." They were the first three people to board the Magnum XL-200 in Sandusky, Ohio in 1989 and consider it to be one of the best shared experiences they've ever had even though it was the only time Zintar has seen Lord of Darkness vomit.

Partial to the evil minions, he is still fond of the one-eyed ones and says "two eyes are overrated." He can't decide if Bob or Stuart is his favorite. He likes Bob because he had the audacity to float out the window and into space after getting splashed with anti-gravity serum. He also likes Stuart because Stuart "had the balls" to dress up like an evil minion.

He flirted with a gay man once in the 19th century, but he couldn't muster up the gumption to actually go through with it, and he can't figure out what the fuss is all about with that whole "coming out of the closet thing."

Zintar attended church once on a dare and left feeling a bit nauseated. He didn't understand what the "end of ceremony snack was all about," and said it didn't come close to satisfying his hunger. Today, he worships no god other than himself.

His favorite candy is almond M&Ms, but his favorite snack is Tako chips because "you just can't beat that old-fashioned octopus flavor."

He's seen Game of Thrones straight through 11 times and can't wait for season 9. His favorite character is Tyrion Lannister and cheers every time he sees the character kill his father. He can't stand that goody-two-shoes character Daenerys Targaryen and says "her dragons are as fake as her boobs."

His secret missed opportunity was to become a NASCAR driver, though he'd give up on that dream in a hot minute if he could earn his wages as an illusionist. When he isn't hanging out with Lord and Twisted, he's practicing his necromancy and plotting his next night out with Enchantress. His favorite magic spell is animating the dead. Of course, he plans to never die, but if he does end up with an early demise, he doesn't want it to happen before he kisses that black beauty Beyonce on the "sweetest lips in history."

Oh, and that silly game Magic The Gathering "is for posers." Steem Monsters is where it's at, my evil friend.