[LIFE VIEW] Boundaries
“No" is a complete sentence.”
― Anne Lamott
Greetings and welcome to another LIFE VIEW article. Today I want to talk about boundaries. I want to talk about what happens when you don't enforce your boundaries. The consequences of "going soft", of "giving in" to whomever or whatever. I've been there so I've walked through that fire, and trust me, it's not a nice place to be. Not the walking through it, but when you emerge the other side knowing you didn't stand up for what you believe in.
I'm the type of guy that wants everyone to be happy. I'm the type of guy that tries to see the good in people, that when someone says something to me and it doesn't agree with my morals, then I try and see it from that person's perspective, and there dear Steemit readers, is where I make the mistake. Or made the mistake in this case. I believe I am too soft so to speak. There's a difference between seeing the good in someone and agreeing to what they say as opposed to knowing when something is bad for you and saying NO no matter what they say to you.
As the above quotes states, NO is a complete sentence. When you are faced with a decision which challenges your boundaries, or morals, you are given a choice. You can either give in to whatever or whomever, or you can choose to say NO because it conflicts with what you believe in. It really is that simple. There's no long winded explanation or trying to disect the situation. If it conflicts with your boundaries, be smart and say NO.
A while ago I gave in to a situation that completely went against my boundaries. I'm talking 100% against them, yet, I gave in and went ahead. Now I'm not talking about murder or stealing, but I agreed to be amongst a certain group of people which are good people, but the activities they partook in went against my bondaries. I didn't partake of any of it, but I was in the middle of it. To this day I regret doing that, but, it's in the past and I cannot change that. I can however choose to not do it again should the situation present itself to me again.
You see, when you give in, you let yourself down, and you show people that your word isn't your bond. If I hate candy, and people ask me to eat candy, sticking to your boundaries is saying NO to eating that candy. It's what you as a person believe in, it's what you stand for. Don't worry about what others believe in, what matters is what YOU believe in and what YOUR boundaries are. That's all that matters. Now if you give in and eat the candy then the people will see, "Aaaah, he says one thing and does another. SO he doesn't really stand for what he believes in".
That's a dangerous place to be, because people will then never believe what you say. They'll see that you don't even respect yourself to enforce said boundaries, so why should they respect you. You've just shown them that you're a liar, someone who doesn't value himself. Yes, I had to go through that with a person, and that person took advantage of me afterwards. Why? Because as harsh as it is to say, it was my own fault. I brought that on myself. By not letting that person know "these are my boundaries and I will not waiver". Instead, I took the other road.
I did learn a very painful lesson, but at least I learned the lesson. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, or into something that totally goes against your boundaries. Stand your ground and let whomever know that your no is your no, no matter what. if they want to bad mouth you, make you feel guilty, or reject you, then that's their problem. It aint yours. Your boundaries are your boundaries. It's that simple. If they are mature enough they'll respect you for standing your ground.
You'll also respect yourself more if you don't give in, no matter what. At the end of the day it's you that has to live with you. You are the one that gets up every morning and gets to live with yourself 24/7. Don't worry what other's think or say, whatever boundaries you have, stick to them, come hell or high water. In the end you'll be grateful that you didn't give in, because you would've shown people that this is who you are, this is what you believe in, and if they have a problem with that, there's the door.
It's not to say you're being rude or arrogant, it's you showing people who you are. Your boundaries might not agree with certain people, their boundaries might not agree with you, but have enough respect for the other person to say, "Ok, I respect your view on this." An immature person will be selfish and make you feel guilty or try and talk you into it. Do not give in. And while you're standing firm, you might aswel get rid of those people who are trying to make you compromise on your bondaries. They're no good for you. End of story.
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