The Phantom Toothpaste Squeezer | Part 1

I'm sure most of you brush your teeth twice a day - I say most because I know there are some flat earthers out there that think brushing your teeth is a conspiracy.... anyway I think you will be able to relate to me and hopefully by sharing this story we can make sure these atrocities don't go unanswered.

I walked into the bathroom this morning to brush my teeth and what did I see? Look below (try not to vomit because it is absolutely disgusting)

Not intended as Oral B advertisement.

I know. Totally f*cked up right? The last person to use the toothpaste (please note only two people use this toothpaste) picked it up and squeezed it from the middle - not just any old squeeze either, they picked it up and pretty much strangled it as Homer does to Bart.

Excuse my average photoshopping.

Why would someone do this you ask? Well lets analyse and hopefully uncover who stomped on my toothpaste.

Motive - First things first, who would want to do this to me and why? I only live with 2 others - My girlfriend and my cat. I feed the cat, give her treats and plenty of attention, on the other hand I also give sufficient pats to my girlfriend and generally listen to her. I also give my girlfriend random frights which I'm pretty sure she loves, so all things considered at this stage the cat is the number 1 suspect.

My cat Farrah - Actually looking pretty guilty.

It just struck me - My cat is a flat earther so doesn't actually believe in brushing her teeth. Damn thought I had it solved.

Back to square one. On second thoughts I think my girlfriend is jealous of me, I only say this because she said to me "Elliot you're so awesome I'm sooooo jealous" and I don't think the tone was sarcastic either.

My girlfriend just gave me this weird squeeze like look - very suspicious.

I will do some more investigating and get back to you all.

I will find out who did this - and I will squeeze them.

Please read my other blog on how to win a fight with your partner
https://steemit.com/romance/@apprentice/how-to-win-an-argument-with-your-partner-100-not-liable-for-results